Struggle to Victory

As 2012 is set to begin in just a few short days, many of us are thinking over this past year and just how quickly it seems to have past. Reviewing a time gone by often involves celebrating victories and successes as well as grieving over lost opportunity. It is with this sense of loss that I would like to focus for this post. While I don’t believe in dwelling on the negative (at least I attempt not to), I do believe that being successful in the future requires considering why opportunities were lost and now considered failures or regrets and making a deliberate attempt to learn from them and then move on.

So let’s take just a few minutes to look at the regrets of 2011 and to consider how we might be able to each end 2011 with one last victory to help propel us positively into 2012.

First, deliberately and carefully review the past year. Looking over your calendar or reading through journal entries might help bring back the events that made up the year. Look specifically for areas that stand out as regrets, things you wish you would have done differently. Again, this is not an exercise in dwelling on failure or the negative; instead, it is an intentional effort to deliberately learn from the regrets and failures of the past and to move forward instead of letting them hold you back.

Second, make a quick list of those failures and regrets. Don’t berate yourself for them. Just let them be what they are without being critical of the person you are. Simply make the list and don’t dwell on any one item. Also, don’t get so overly detailed that you make a mountainous list. That will most certainly be depressing. Just generally list the areas of failure you experienced in the past year. My list contains 11 items that I consider failures or regrets of 2011.

Next, take a closer look at each of the items on your list and cross out the ones that simply need to be buried. They are failures and regrets that cannot be revisited. Take a minute to let each one of those go. If there is a lesson to be learned (and there almost always is), note that lesson and then move on. Vow to not let it weigh you down. There are two items I’ve crossed off that simply need to be left alone. To a great extent, the circumstances surrounding these regrets were beyond my control. I did my best at the time, and I choose now to let those regrets live only in my past.

Fourth, consider the remaining items on your list. Does any action need taken to bring closure to any of them? Do you need to forgive someone or ask for forgiveness from someone? Do you need to forgive yourself? In many cases, simply focusing on forgiveness can finalize a failure and make it one that can officially become a part of the past. This step will hopefully lead to more items being crossed off on your list. In fact, this was a big cross-off exercise for me. Mostly through forgiving myself, I drew a line through seven more items on my list. From these items, I have areas in which I will purpose to improve in this coming year, and many of them focus on my relationship with others. So, in general, I need to forgive myself for not being the best friend, mother and wife that I could be, and I choose to move forward endeavoring to improve in those areas.

Finally, consider the items remaining on your list. What action needs taken to bring value to those failures and regrets? Find at least one failure that you can act on in these last few remaining days of 2011, and then follow through with that action. Consider turning the actions needed on the remaining items into resolutions to carry into 2012. The remaining two items on my list are connected by one word: patience. Clearly, I feel like patience was a struggle for me, and to be completely honest, it always has been a struggle. So with the remaining days of 2011, I choose to focus on being as patient as possible. Hopefully, I will be able to carry this endeavor into 2012 and beyond, but for now I will start with the small step of being more patient through the end of 2011. (Can I be fully patient for four days? That depends on other drivers… no, I can do it!)

This exercise will not undo the failures and regrets of this past year, but it will allow one last victory with which to close out 2011. With this victory, move into the next year understanding the regrets of the past but not letting them define you. Consider the following quotes as you close out the year and choose to learn from your mistakes and regrets:

“Remember that failure is an event, not a person.” (Zig Ziglar)

“Go to the effort. Invest the time. Write the letter. Make the apology. Take the trip. Purchase the gift. Do it.
The seized opportunity renders joy. The neglected brings regret.” (Max Lucado)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” (Winston Churchill)

“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.” (Abraham Lincoln)

DISCUSSION QUESTION: Was this exercise helpful? Why or why not?

This will be my second holiday season after being diagnosed with multiple food allergies/sensitivities (dairy, gluten, eggs, crab and cashews). Last December was a little rough as I was still a bit uncomfortable about needing accommodations because of my diet. Being an introvert doesn’t help because I prefer to sort of blend in and not get the attention that is sometimes required when addressing special dietary needs.

While I still don’t like the attention, I am a bit more comfortable with addressing those needs mainly because I know it will not only result in me being happier and healthier, but those around me will be much happier as well. (My husband can attest to this.)

In the two years since being diagnosed with multiple food allergies/sensitivities, I have stumbled across some habits that help make attending a gathering where food and fellowship is the focus a much more pleasant experience for me and those with whom I interact.

1. Avoid going anywhere hungry. This may seem counterintuitive since so many gatherings revolve around food. However, if you go hungry and there is little of anything you are certain you can safely eat, you may be tempted to take a chance on something and end up having a reaction. Either that, or you will get annoyingly hungry while everyone around you is enjoying the yummy holiday foods. If you eat before you go, you won’t be as tempted. If there happens to be something you can eat, then that’s a bonus. I usually go having eaten just enough to not feel starved but with enough of an appetite to enjoy something should it be available.
2. Volunteer to bring a dish. When you do this, you can then make a dish that you know you can eat. You’ll have at least one dish to eat at the gathering, and no one will really notice you aren’t eating anything else. (They’ll be too busy eating to care.)
3. Keep snacks with you. I always keep a Lara bar in my bag. Rarely do I go anywhere without one. Other favorite take-with-you snacks include GFCF (gluten free, casein free) chocolate chips mixed with sunflower seeds. I also like salted almonds and apples. These snacks are filling and great when there is nothing else from which I can choose. (Note: In a pinch, I will buy plain potato chips at a convenience store. I avoid this as a regular habit though.)
4. Drink lots of water. Not only will this keep you hydrated, research shows that water keeps you filled up as well. If you have no other options, drinking water can help get you through until friendly food options are available.
5. Take basics with you. I like to take soy cheese and soy butter with me as well as some soy milk. These often come in helpful when needing to modify available food. I also take Stevia with me as I try to avoid sugar and artificial sweeteners.

When I was first diagnosed, I had a huge learning curve as well as a long road to becoming healthy. This was definitely a struggle. Once I passed that, I began to get annoyed that others weren’t aware of my needs too. One day I realized that it wasn’t that people didn’t want to deal with my special dietary needs; they just didn’t know how. If I still don’t know all I need to know to keep from having reactions to foods after two years, how can I expect others who don’t have any allergies/sensitivities to be able to accommodate me without some help? So, here’s the help. There are a few basic tips that those hosting an event where someone with food allergies/sensitivities will attend can employ to easily accommodate their guests.

1. Ask ahead of time about specific needs. Just ask the person what he/she can safely eat. Chances are that he/she will have a couple of simple ideas that you can use. For example, I recently was invited to a Christmas party where the main dish would be lasagna. Lot’s of “no no’s” for me there. Anyway, the host asked if I could eat a baked potato, which I could, and I mentioned being able to have Wendy’s chili on it too. Sure enough, there was a baked potato with chili just for me at the party. I took my own “cheese” and soy butter and had a great meal.
2. Prepare at least one dish the person can eat. You don’t need to change your whole menu to accommodate a person with food allergies/sensitivities, nor would that person want you to do so. Preparing one dish that the person can have is sufficient, and chances are the other guests will enjoy that dish as well.
3. Double-check separately once the person arrives. Avoid doing this in front of others. Simply point out the dishes that he/she can eat, answer any questions he/she may have, and make any last-minute adjustments. Doing this on the side will be greatly appreciate by the individual, especially if that person is introverted like me.
4. If unable to ask ahead of time, prepare one or two dishes that are most likely to be safe. Those include vegetable trays and mixed fruit.
5. Use the internet. If you know what allergies/sensitivities your guest has, the internet is a terrific source for recipes. This takes a little more effort, especially since every ingredient has to be scrutinized. Doing this is a great way to make your guest feel special. Because food allergies/sensitivities can be tricky to accommodate, your effort will not go unnoticed as it is the exception rather than the rule.

At first, I was just irritated at having to have special accommodations all the time. I still don’t like it, but I’ve gotten used to it because I’ve developed these habits and tips that work well for me. And when someone makes a special effort to accommodate me, I feel very thankful and like less of an outsider. Most people are simply uncomfortable over knowing how to deal with a food allergy/sensitivity, and following simple tips like these can make the holidays more fun and festive for all involved.

QUESTION: What tips do you have for those with food sensitivities/allergies?

For many years now, I’ve used a quick list style for creating New Year’s resolutions. My kids (13 & 11) and my husband have also now adopted this technique with good success. There are more detailed methods for creating New Year’s resolutions, and I highly recommend them if you are so motivated. (See end of post for more information.) The problem is that many people are not motivated. They often feel like they need not bother making a list of goals since they probably won’t complete their resolutions anyway. Either that, or they are so overwhelmed with everyday life that the idea of creating another “to do” list is just not a task they can handle. The resolution quick list is a great solution to at least take a small step toward making goals that can add up to a big difference in the New Year.

Steps to Creating a Resolution Quick List

1. Get a piece of paper. Just regular notebook paper or even a piece from a scratch pad will do.
2. Title the list, so it looks important. The title can be something as simple as “2012 Goals.”
3. With a goal of 10 total, start listing what you’d like to accomplish in the next year. For ideas, see my 2011 New Year’s Resolutions listed at the end of this post.
4. Keep the list visible and where you’ll see it often until you have 10 items on it.
5. Once you’ve hit 10 goals, put the paper away somewhere that you’ll come across it periodically in the next year. For example, I sometimes put my list in my Bible. My kids keep theirs on the computer, and my husband keeps his on his iPhone.

That’s it. Chances are, creating the list won’t take but a couple of days, if that. Then, just review the list once in a while. I’ve been using this method for probably 10 years now, and I’m always amazed at how much of my list I accomplish.

Why does this work? I think that the simple act of writing a goal down creates some sort of subconscious commitment that drives people to reach it even if they aren’t thinking about it. I’m sure there’s some scientific research behind it. What I know for sure is that I with this method, I accomplish at least half of the goals I wrote down.

Essential Parts of Creating Goals

There are some aspects of goal creating that will go a long way in helping you achieve your goals. The ones that I have found to be crucial are as follows.

1. Have to be written down. If it’s not written down, you’re not even close to committing to achieving it.
2. Honesty is required. Goals need to be ones you honestly care about; otherwise, you won’t work toward achieving them. I choose goals that fit my interests as well as ones that will help me become a better person.
3. Need to be realistic. Goals have to be achievable, or you’re dooming yourself before you even begin. For example, I knew that running a marathon was very unlikely for me, so I cut it into two parts instead.
4. Being specific is very helpful. The more specific you are, the better. For example, instead of saying “run regularly,” say, “run three times a week.”

While this method for setting goals is not necessarily foolproof, it certainly is better than nothing and can at least be one deliberate step in the direction of being more intentional about your life. For a more comprehensive and more effective method for setting goals, see “How to Finish What you Start: 5 Steps for Getting Things Done in 2012” and “17 Ways to Be Happier in 2012” at Abundance Blog @ Marelissa Online.

My 2011 New Year’s Resolutions

As promised, here is my 2011 quick list. Hope it gives you some ideas! (Note: Completed goals are crossed off.)

1. Write 40 devotions
2. Pray regularly with my husband (do often, but not daily)
3. Run two half marathons (ran one, then got an injury)
4. Eliminate endometriosis health problems (progress but not gone)
5. Read 50 books
6. Have daily, personal worship time (still working on this habit)
7. Sleep well every night (better but not victorious yet)
8. Complete office redecorating
9. Complete photo organizing
10. Contribute monthly to the food pantry