April 16, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part V

Now that I am more aware of the role boredom plays in my faith (Part I & Part IV) as well as alerted to the pinholes of lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons (Part III) that have led to a flat faith, I can get back on track to living and experiencing a vibrant and alive faith.

My Boredom Battle Plan

God has promised to continue the good work He has started in me until the day when Christ Jesus returns (Philippians 1:6). Trusting on that promise, I move forward in the battle plan the Holy Spirit has laid out as the path for that good work.

  1. 4-16-13 wavesFind variety in sameness. The wind and the waves appear to exist in monotony, yet they are not boring. Instead, they are obediently beautiful (Matthew 8:27). While my life’s routine needs to exist for a reason, I must realize that there is usually more than one way to accomplish a task.
  2. Connect more. The two greatest commandments are to love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-40). Connecting allows me increased opportunity to live love and to practice that which the Holy Spirit teaches me in times of solitude.
  3. Find ways to just be. Constantly occupying my mind distracts me from hearing the still small voice of God. In Fed Up with Flat Faith, Kathy Howard writes that “only the Holy Spirit can transform our faith, but we can obediently position ourselves to be in the center of His activity.” When I find ways to just be, I find that often places me where He is active.
  4. Regularly evaluate my habits. In Fed Up with Flat Faith, Kathy also talks about Eli the priest and how “his habit of faith got in the way.” This is contrasted with Samuel who grew “in stature and favor with God and man” (1 Samuel 2:26) and who “enjoyed a full, dynamic relationship with God.” As I am still before God, He will transform me by correcting bad habits, establishing new ones, and confirming what to continue.
  5. Gather tinder. Do you regularly remember your past experiences with God along with times you witnessed His glory?  Kathy calls doing so “gathering tinder” to fuel the fire of our faith. Kathy reminds us that if we are children of God, “His presence is not based on our feelings, but on His promises.” So, no matter how I feel, even when boredom becomes intense, I can know that He promises to always be with me (Matthew 28:20). As I deliberately review God’s presence in my life, I can dwell in the memories of His ever-abiding presence.

4-16-13 Flat FaithAn Eternal Perspective

As I went through my battle with boredom and my struggle with flat faith, another unexpected change took place within me. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, my perspective began to change. What once was more of focus on the here and now has turned toward more of an eternal focus.

Kathy also talks about how “living with an eternal perspective can generate an excitement and passion your faith has been missing.” As we remember who gave us our resources and as we use periodic self-evaluation to foster an eternal perspective, we can discover a “consistent eternal perspective” that leads us to “fulfillment and excitement in the things that last beyond the physical.”

A key element to maintaining and increasing an eternal perspective lies with obedience. Kathy notes that “obedience keeps the lines of communication open and fosters our dependence on God. Disobedience builds walls and cultivates stubborn independence from God.”

As I learn obedience and as the Holy Spirit fosters an eternal perspective in me, my faith will grow to be healthy and vibrant. This journey has developed a desire in me to leave, as Kathy puts it so well, my “safe faith” my “flat and dry” faith behind and to have it replaced with a “risky faith – a faith that yields all to God,” a faith that is “ready to burn.”

Thank you for taking this journey with me through my battle with boredom and struggle with flat faith. The Holy Spirit has certainly led me through the exact journey I needed to take. I pray the same happened for you!

DISCUSSION: How is the Holy Spirit working in your life to create “a faith that yields all to God”?

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, quotes are taken from Fed Up with Flat Faith by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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April 11, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part IV

4-11-13 path 2My propensity for boredom exists as a built-in barometer for many areas of my life, including my faith. When boredom starts to abide, especially within relationships or church or studying, I know that some area of my life is misaligned.

Sometimes, though, I get so wrapped up in feelings of boredom or depression or whatever and fail to realize that I am off track. That’s usually when the Holy Spirit steps up His game to get my attention. This happened recently during a significant battle with boredom (Part I) that ended up being an indication of a flat faith caused by lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons (Part III).

The Path to a Plan

When I thought of examples of boredom in scripture, David came to mind. One reason I think David was led to pursue Bathsheba was boredom. He wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He couldn’t sleep. He seemed restless and bored in the middle of the night with no late night television to distract him. (See 2 Samuel 11.)

Thinking about David’s boredom along with my own, four realizations came to mind.4-11-13 path 1

  1. Boredom can be from selfishness. Though God desires for us to enjoy life, the enjoyment of life is not to be our primary concern. The kingdom of God, not our own lives, is to be our main concern (Matthew 6:31-34). But when we focus on enjoying life, self gratification becomes the focus instead, the attainment of which is impossible.
  2. Boredom can lead to sin. Idleness, which often happens when we are bored, can lead to wrong choices, including sowing discord (creating disunity) among others (1 Timothy 5:13). In other words, boredom can be infectious if it’s caused by someone not doing what he is supposed to be doing. The result? Drama and sinful choices.
  3. Boredom leads to discontentment. Learning contentment is the key to curing boredom. How do we learn contentment? Rely on God’s strength, which he gives generously to lead us to a place where we aren’t disquieted and disturbed (Philippians 4:11).
  4. Boredom can be used by the Holy Spirit. Had David questioned why he was restless, perhaps he could have corrected the behavior that led to his restlessness. David did not lack resources, nor did he lack things to do. He simply lost his focus. I know when I lose my focus, the Holy Spirit uses boredom (restlessness) to get me back on track.

“At a time when kings go to battle,” King David stayed home. As a result, he discovered himself in a place of boredom that led to discontentment and sin. What might David’s story be like had he been executing his battle plan as was expected of the king?

4-11-13 Flat FaithA New Perspective

I used to believe avoiding boredom was all about simply having something to do, with occupying myself. I even insist that my kids occupy themselves regularly. Through this journey, I’ve realized that boredom is directly related to contentment.

Contentment involves being able to just be without having to work on a “to do” item. It’s about connecting with Christ, with my family, with friends and even with people I don’t know. Contentment is about cultivating relationship.

Contentment means I don’t have to constantly evaluate my day and only count it as successful if tangible items were accomplished. It’s about realizing that sometimes the best way to manage my time is by doing nothing except just being with Jesus.

Contentment means staying attached to the vine (John 15:5). As Kathy Howard says in “Fed Up with Flat Faith,” contentment comes “when we maintain an intimate relationship with Jesus” because “He will guide us to the works He has planned for us and empower us to do them.”

This journey through my battle with boredom is almost complete. Part V lays out a battle plan that will allow me to move forward in victory having defeated my boredom caused by lack of connection and a focus on comparisons. Thank you for sticking with me!

DISCUSSION: What other Bible stories relate to this series on Battling Boredom that we have not yet covered?

Note: Unless otherwise noted, all quotes are taken from Fed Up with Flat Faith by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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April 9, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part III

4-9-13 Flat tire

The presence of boredom in my life (Part I) led me to realize that my faith was flat and that the root causes were lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons. While my faith appeared vibrant and alive on the outside, I did not feel that way on the inside. I had pinhole leaks in my faith.

Think of how a tire goes flat most of the time. Usually, a pinhole leak rather than a huge gash leads to a flat tire. Lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons created two pinhole leaks that led to my flat faith. Without these leaks, my faith might not just appear vibrant and full but I might actually feel that way on the inside too.

Constant Comparisons

Humor. Clothing. Jewelry. Work. Exercise. Health. Diet.

Prayer. Bible study. Church activity. Worship.

All areas of constant comparison. What’s better? What’s worse? Who’s right? Who’s wrong?

Then came frustration. Frustration over people not doing what I think they should do and not growing and adapting and changing like I think they should. Complicated lives that, following my plan, could be simpler.

I constantly saw what I thought were Martha types forgetting to be like Mary.

Up until recently, I never viewed myself as a Martha. Actually, I felt out of place in what I viewed as a Martha-dominant culture. But then I realized that my focus on comparisons revealed Martha-like thinking that distracted me from focusing on Jesus.

Martha-Like Thinking4-9-13 Flat Faith

While the story of Jesus visiting Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-41) is familiar to me, I only recently read it while trying to understand Martha’s thought process. Doing so helped me identify my own Martha-like thinking that produced…

  • Worry about the task at hand, even with tasks I usually enjoyed.
  • Concern over what others are or are not doing based on what I think they should be doing.
  • Feelings of unfairness based on what others are being allowed to get away with.
  • Stress from worrying about details.
  • Missing out on what’s truly important, namely connection with Jesus and with others.

This Martha-like thinking arose whenever I focused on comparisons. It happened with my kids, my church family, my husband and my extended family. It happened with people I barely knew and even with people I did not know at all. In fact, I often made comparisons based on knowing nothing about a situation and based solely on assumptions. My perception, when focused on comparisons, became extremely distorted.

Not only did my perception of others become distorted, my perception of myself also became distorted. And this distorted perception created a major distraction from my just being with Jesus.

4-9-13 doing over beingBeing Over Doing

In “Fed Up With Flat Faith,” Kathy Howard talks about Martha’s flat faith resulting from her focus on doing over being. Kathy notes how Martha’s “serving distracted her from enjoying Christ’s presence. Martha was too busy to spend time fostering intimacy with Christ.”

Martha’s thought process and her comparison of what she was doing based on what Mary was doing and what she thought Mary should be doing distracted her from just being with Jesus. That’s exactly what happens when my thought processes get Martha-like.

The church in Ephesus suffered from Martha-like thinking too when, as Kathy points out, they got to a point when “their works supplanted their love for Jesus” (Revelation 2:2-5). In other words, they got focused on doing over being.

In my own focus on doing over being, my faith became deflated. I actually remember a time when I could just be and appreciate others where they were. I could sit, reflect and let the Holy Spirit speak to me. That’s also when I experienced tremendous spiritual growth. Odd to think that I grew the most the less I did.

Part IV takes a closer look at the role boredom can play in our lives, and Part V details the Holy Spirit’s plan for fixing the pinholes. I’m excited to share the rest of this journey with you.

DISCUSSION: How does evaluating others get in the way of your vibrant, full faith?

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, all direct quotes are taken from “Flat Faith” by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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April 4, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part II

When I first realized that my battle with boredom was really a struggle with a flat faith (Part I), my game plan changed. Instead of thinking I needed to simply change my routine, I realized I needed to address some heart issues. Those issues revolve around connection and comparisons (Part III).

Flat Faith and Connection4-4-13 Flat Faith

In “Flat Faith,” Kathy Howard says that “what we fail to realize is that our reluctance to seek help will keep us right where we are.”

Kathy also points out that “our culture does not hold up dependence, submission, and subordination as ideals to attain. In fact, the opposite attitudes reign supreme. Independence, self-gratification, and me first are king!”

For several years now, I have touted myself as being a “loner.” What I’ve come to realize is that my pride in being a loner was really a mask for avoiding dependence. I wanted to appear independent and in control of my life. In other words, the ideals of our culture had gotten into my spirit and negatively affected my attitude. And one thing our culture does well is breed discontentment.

My approach to living revolved around independence, and that clearly does not reflect God’s heart.

“But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ And the head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!’” (1 Corinthians 12:18-21)

A focus on self-sufficiency and independence definitely do not promote the inter-dependency that the Bible clearly teaches. Discontentment grew for me because my thoughts were fixed on appearing in control and being independent rather than on existing and connecting as a part of the body of Christ.

Like Kathy, I identified with Nicodemus who was “trying to do all the right things” but still felt “disconnected from God.” Unfortunately, this keeping up of appearances really plays into Satan’s hands, since he “loves to trip us up with pride.”

Since, as Kathy says, “God designed the body of Christ to encourage and build one another up,” I realized that I needed to depend on Him to create the relationships and interactions He knew I needed. That’s not happening when I keep to myself 80% of the time.

The reality, as Kathy puts it, is that “your full and complete spiritual growth and maturity depends on other members of the body obeying God. And their growth and maturity depends on yours.”

No wonder I was discontent. I was missing out on much of what God intended to play a part in my spiritual growth, interaction with other believers. And that interaction needed to go beyond weekly church services.

4-4-13 ConnectedThe Role of Accountability

For almost a year now, I have been meeting regularly with an accountability partner. In addition to meeting face-to-face, we also continue our discussions between meetings via email and text. This relationship provides an avenue for practicing transparency and for connecting over how God works in our lives. God used this relationship to bring me to a place that allows me to be transparent in my struggles with flat faith.

This accountability relationship helped me learn the value of connection, and I now more fully understand that limiting my connection with others to an extreme is partially to blame for the boredom I am experiencing.

As Kathy puts it, I need to truly embrace the “symbiotic relationship with other believers to become all God wants [me] to be and to receive everything God wants to give [me].” While I knew the importance of connection, I failed to fully embrace it. The result? Loneliness and a flat faith.

Thank you for continuing on this journey. The next leg, Part III, focuses on the role that comparisons have played in causing my flat faith. Part IV focuses more on the role of boredom, and Part V details my Boredom Battle Plan.

DISCUSSION: What role does connection play in your faith?

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, all direct quotes are taken from “Flat Faith” by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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April 2, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part I

Battling Boredom4-2-13 Bored

Every Saturday when we don’t have plans, my 12-year-old wanders. Without the structure of school, he gets bored very easily. He jumps from one meaningless activity to another. Please don’t think me a bad mother, but I let him know I am not his entertainment director and to “find something to do.”

My oldest son occupies himself easily, probably because he was an only child for 11 years. My husband doesn’t struggle with boredom either. Not only can they always find something to do, but they can have the same, basic routine for years on end without getting bored.

So where do I fit in all of this? I’d like to say I’m somewhere in the middle and that I provide the balance between the two extremes. I’m not, and I don’t.

Like my youngest, I too get bored easily. And if I’m brutally honest with myself, I will admit that this is the real reason my son’s boredom drives me crazy at times. He gives me an all-to-real visual of what I’m feeling on the inside.

While I don’t wander when I’m bored, well not every time, and I don’t usually bounce from one task to the next, I do struggle with sameness. The same routine. The same clothes. Same hairstyle. Same food. Day in and day out sameness. My day scripted. Little variety. Boredom.

I said all this to say that I have a propensity for boredom. It’s just a part of my personality that I must constantly keep in check. I have learned that when boredom shows up, I need to address it quickly before it grows into something more serious.

Which is what I failed to do over the past three months.

Lately, church, Bible study, fellowship, relationships, you name it, have become monotonous to me. I have this general feeling of boredom with life that I can’t shake. I feel stuck.

Boredom has intensified to the point that I know a more serious issue is at play. This is about something going on, or not going on, in my heart.

4-2-13 Flat FaithStruggling with Flat Faith

I’m not stuck in the motions of religion because church and the people I spend time with are boring. Couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, I would be hitting this wall of boredom no matter where I attended church and no matter whom I spent time with because the problem is in my heart not my church or other people.

I’m not bored from a lack of stuff to do either. I’m a mom of two junior high boys and a work-at-home writer with a husband who travels often for work. I have stuff to do.

In “Fed Up With Flat Faith,” Kathy Howard explains that “many Christians with flat faith love Jesus and continue to serve Him, but they often feel as though they are simply going through the motions of Christianity. Their love for Christ is short on passion.”

When I read that description, I knew that my boredom was really indicating a flat faith. I realized that I was going through the motions and that I definitely lacked passion in my faith.

Kathy also talks about how a flat faith “derails God’s purpose for our lives” and that “we don’t have to settle for flat, dry faith.” I certainly felt derailed, and I was definitely settling and desperately didn’t want to be.

This series is a journey through the elements that appear to be the root cause of my flat faith, lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons (Part III). Part IV focuses more on boredom, and Part V details my Boredom Battle Plan. The Holy Spirit will guide me on this journey. Kathy will be along as well. Will you take the journey with us too?

DISCUSSION: What is a telltale sign for you that some spiritual adjustments are necessary?

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, all direct quotes are taken from “Flat Faith” by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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March 28, 2013

Living a Long Life

Is Age Really Just a Number?3-28-13 long life 1

This topic idea has been festering for a while. I say festering because I hate aging. Hate seems like a strong word, but I really struggle with the idea that I am aging and can do nothing ultimately to stop it. My last birthday may have amplified this struggle just a bit too.

Festering because I wondered if I can legitimately address this issue having lived just 40 years (gee, I hate admitting that), hopefully not even half my earthly life yet. I get told over and over again how young I am, but I’ve notice that the people saying this are, well, older than me.

The amount of days I truly feel young lessens with every passing year. I hear that age is a state of mind, but that just concerns me more since what my mind says about my age and what my body says are very different.

Because of my struggle with aging, the question of “How can I live a long life?” comes up from time to time.

How to Live a Long Life

I read a lot of books and magazines, and many of them at least touch on the topic of extending your life and looking and feeling younger. They include topics ranging from exercise and diet to managing stress and staying connected.

The Bible is also a part of my regular reading, and it also has a lot to say about living a long life. But not only does it just get at the physical side of life, it also gets how our character impacts the length of our days.

Consider the following Biblical instruction on how to live a long life.

  1. Fear God. (Proverbs 10:27)
  2. Get wisdom. (Proverbs 9:11)
  3. Obey God. (Deuteronomy 5:33)
  4. Honor your parents. (Ephesians 6:2-3)
  5. Avoid wickedness. (Ecclesiastes 7:17 & Psalm 55:23)
  6. Pursue God. (Psalm 91:9-16)

As I consider this instruction, I am acutely aware that it doesn’t always work. I mean, someone can follow this advice and still not live a long life in earthly terms. And I realize this is because God’s will doesn’t always happen on earth as it does in Heaven (think abortions and murder as extreme examples).

So, doing what the Bible says we need to do to live a long life does not guarantee increased years on this earth.

Yet, I know that my gift of a long life extends beyond the physical and into the eternal. Psalm 91:16 says that along with salvation comes the gift of a long life. It’s that gift that motivates me to live as long as a life this side of heaven as possible, living out His will on earth as it is done in Heaven.

3-28-13 long life 2Not Getting Any Older!

Even as I struggle with the aging of my body and still seek to live out God’s will on this earth, I find great comfort in knowing that what I see is not really reality.

Yes, my body is getting older, dying actually. That’s true for all of us. But the part of me that will live forever gets renewed every day. So, in a very real way, more real than the aging process I see in the mirror and feel in my joints, I AM NOT GETTING OLDER.

I find tremendous comfort in knowing that while my physical body ages and I can’t do anything about it, God renews my spirit daily (2 Corinthians 4: 16). And that spirit is what will live with Him in eternity.

As if that weren’t enough, I also will one day get a NEW BODY that won’t decay (1 Corinthians 15:53). Even though I can’t put my order in on exactly what age I want to be in that new body (29 would be nice), knowing I am getting a body that God intends to live for eternity is very exciting to me.

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March 26, 2013

What Have You Been Missing?

3-26-13 the end

Wait Until the Lights Come On

Movie watchers typically stop watching a movie as soon as the credits start to roll. Yet, my family and I have learned to wait until the lights come on in the theatre before getting up to leave.

After the credits for The Avengers and each related movie (Captain America, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, and Thor) there’s an extra clip that shows further connections among the movies. Of course, turning off the movie or leaving the theatre before the credits finish means missing the extra.

(You’ll find “extras” at the end of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and The Amazing Spider-Man too.)

Waiting out the credits, and in some cases just part of them, involves persistence. Even if you fast forward through them, like we do at home, getting to the extra clip still takes time. Yet, persistence pays off in giving a preview of a coming sequel or a connection you might have otherwise missed.

Faithful Persistence

This idea of persistence, waiting through the monotony, translates well into our spiritual lives. Let’s look at a few examples.

Elijah showed persistence when he prayed for rain in 1 Kings 18:41-46.  Rain did not come after his first prayer, or his second one, or even the third. Elijah prayed 7 times before rain came. What if Elijah had stopped praying before the 7th time?

Jesus gives another example, recorded in Luke 18:1-8, of the importance of persistence.  He tells of a persistent widow and her requests to a corrupt judge. The judge eventually gave her what she wanted to get her to stop bugging him. Jesus ends his story by asking a rather disturbing question. “How much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?”

What Have I Been Missing?

These stories stir in me a rather bothersome question. “What am I missing because I lack persistence in my prayers?”

I’m equally bothered by the question, “Will Jesus find persistent faith in me when He returns?”

Don’t lose heart.

As I attempt to answer these questions, I stare a very real truth in the faith. I have often given up too soon. I have gotten discouraged and lost heart. I have often lacked persistence in my prayers as well as in my waiting for God to move.

Jesus’ reason behind telling the persistent widow story is explained before the story even begins.

“Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lost heart.” (Luke 18:1)

In other words, don’t give up. Don’t get discouraged. This was the purpose of Jesus telling the parable of the persistent woman, and I suspect that this is a reason behind the story about Elijah too.

Amplifying Persistence

Unlike with movies, I can’t rewind my life and see what I missed. I can’t go back and play through the credits again. But I can be more persistent now. I can push through in faith in my current circumstances.

I can seek His will and then ask according to His Name. I can believe that He will answer based on that will. Then, I can live in the confidence that only comes from trusting in Him.

And at the same time, I must realize that my ability to know His will and to believe in faith that He will answer comes from Him. Without Him giving me the ability to be persistent, I’ll continue to miss out because I’ll continue to leave before the lights come on.

DISCUSSION: How do you see persistence playing out in the life of a Christ follower?

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March 21, 2013

Daily Downloads & Touch Points

In my guest post The Big Picture: My Own Life Plan Method at Christian Faith at Work, I detailed the approach my husband and I take together to create a focus for our marriage and individual lives. One important aspect of our approach is including daily downloads and touch points. These were so beneficial to us as husband and wife, we’ve allso incorporated them into our family structure.

3-21-13 home graphicFocusing on My Family

When my oldest started kindergarten 9 years ago, we started the habit of daily downloads. Every day after school, each of my sons tells me about his day. They talk about each class, what they’re studying, homework they have, and tests coming up, and they also share stories about interactions, both positive and negative, with teachers and other students during the day.

My boys expect these daily downloads and even ask, “Don’t you want to hear about my day?” when I get distracted and take more than 5 minutes to stop and listen.

We also integrate regular touch points into our family’s routine. Pretty much every morning, we eat breakfast together while each of us does a morning devotion, and then we pray together before heading off on our days. We also make a point to have dinner together regularly, usually 6 days a week, and this time usually consists of another round of daily downloads.

Knowing that one-on-one time is also important, my husband “tucks” our boys in at night after doing a devotion with each boy individually for his regular touch point with each of them. My individual touch point is the daily downloads every day after school.

3-21-13 road trip

On a more big-picture level, we take 2-3 vacations as a family every year, and during this time we focus on connection and just being together. We also talk about goals and dreams during these times even to the point of setting yearly goals together. We all have separate goals, but we create them together. This time away is a sort of a concentrated touch point made up of lots of downloads.

Then, throughout the year, we check in with each other’s progress on our goals. Just the other day, my 12-year-old asked me, “Mommy, how are you doing on your goals?” A good discussion took place afterward. Our touch points and downloads seem to cultivate this sort of accountability and encouragement naturally.

Another touch point involves windshield time. Whether driving to/from a vacation spot or just 20 minutes away for a shopping trip, we rarely listen to music and usually have a discussion of some sort. In fact, we never watch a movie for trips less than two hours, and we rarely listen to music for trips less than an hour. My boys don’t even turn on (and often don’t take) their various media devices when we go somewhere. We’ve simply grown attached to connecting during windshield time.

Virus Protection for the Family

3-21-13 virusOne way to look at the importance of daily downloads and touch points within a family is to consider why computer users regularly update their virus protection. New viruses appear daily, and a computer needs updated virus definitions to protect against these new threats. Failure to update virus protection can result in an infected and severely compromised system.

Daily downloads and touch points do the same for families that virus protection does for computers. Regular updates allow for a family to remain healthy and avoid infection and compromise from the outside world.

DISCUSSION: What suggestions do you have for strengthening the family?

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March 19, 2013

Just Do What’s Next

3-19-13 Things to doWe all make our “to do” lists a bit differently, but the same basic premise exists behind them. Maybe you use a less structured process like the one I detailed in Living in the Details: My Daily Plan. Or, maybe you prefer a method like the The Daily Game Plan: A Must Use Tool! that Chris Patton at Christian Faith at Work uses. Perhaps you prefer using a Master Task List approach like the one Michael Hyatt details in Before You Create a To Do List.

Regardless of the method you use, you’ve likely a lot to accomplish just like the rest of us. And maybe sometimes, maybe often, you simply don’t know where to begin. What tasks do you tackle first?

Setting priorities can be a struggle. So much, maybe everything, is equally important. So, where do you focus first?

When I taught at a community college, organization was crucial for juggling 4 classes and 80 students, and everything was very deadline oriented. As a result, I learned the importance of developing and then consistently applying the following 3 time management principles.

  1. 3-19-13 Long to do listRefuse to let being overwhelmed stop you. See my post Too Overwhelmed to Become Less Overwhelmed for more on how to develop a system even in the midst of being overwhelmed. We all have too much to do at some point, so learning to work through that is crucial to overall success and personal satisfaction.
  2. Do what’s next. Ask yourself, “When is the next due date?” For example, if I have to teach Sunday School on Sunday and have to write a post for the Thursday before, the post obviously comes first. You’ll still feel like you can’t get everything done at times, but eventually this “Do what’s next” state of mind creates an “I can only do what I can do” attitude that keeps you moving forward.
  3. Be ready with time fillers. Only have 5 minutes before the kids get home from school? That’s enough time to sweep the floor, switch laundry or empty the dishwasher. Have a list of items you can do during these in-between times. Instead of doing a mass house cleaning and getting all of these things done before moving on to other work, I integrate them into small times slots within my day. This transfers well into an office with things like making copies, editing a document, reading an article or answering an email as possible time fillers. I personally get more accomplished with this approach.

These principles probably seem painfully simple to some people, but they truly create a structure to help keep me focused and from being overwhelmed. Some people schedule and script their day more, but doing so never worked well for me. But, as I mentioned in The Big Picture: My Own Life Plan Method, the best system for managing time and reaching goals is whatever works for you.

So be encouraged! Keep trying different methods, keeping what works and ditching what doesn’t. Steal ideas from others, knowing that your approach will be a combination of what others do and what you learn through trial and error.

And in those overwhelmed moments when you want to run and hide, say a little prayer, then “just do what’s next.” I literally say this phrase to myself, and this approach has kept me sane in the midst of chaos many times in the past 15 years.

DISCUSSION: What advice do you have for managing everything that needs done in a day?

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March 14, 2013

Too Overwhelmed to Become Less Overwhelmed

So often, people fail to work on developing a time management and goal-setting system simply because they feel overwhelmed. They feel like they are so far off track and have too many changes needing made that they just don’t know where to start. As a result, they don’t start anywhere and simply maintain the same dysfunctional system that got them to their current state of frustration.

Where to Start3-14-13 Where to start

Often, the answer is to simply just start. Just take a step forward. Yet, too often, the weight of perfectionism, too many choices or both prevents even that first step. Sometimes, setting big goals and getting your life organized simply seems insurmountable. When you feel this way, start the process of change by focusing on small changes that added together will make a huge difference over time.

The following tips can help you to start this small change process.

  1. Consider the extremes. Ask yourself what’s working well and what’s not working at all. Then look for ways to tweak what’s already working and to change with what is absolutely not working. Don’t worry about what falls in between.
  2. Get and stay teachable. This point has far reaching implications. Being teachable, or having the willingness to always learn and grow, is essential to a productive life. Within the context of goal setting and time management, being teachable involves a willingness to try different things. It means knowing that you can tweak what works and toss what doesn’t.
  3. Stick with what works. Or, at least with what kind of works. Really, something has to be working at least partly, or you’d be dead. You’ve got to be doing at least one thing right. When you’re already overwhelmed, trying to change everything at once just makes matters worse. Some changes can wait.
  4. Take the plunge. This means diving in with a new approach or method and being willing to experience failures. It means taking chances and continuing to do so until you find what works. Failure can be the greatest teacher, but we never know what will or won’t work until we give it a shot.
  5. Struggle through. Life will never be free from struggle. Not giving in, not being apathetic or complacent, not settling… that’s where the value in continuing to struggle exists.

If you make no other commitment today, commit to making your life a process of small change. Some days may involve huge leaps, while others will simply be successful when you don’t go backwards. Simply committing to lifting up your foot and taking a step starts the process of change.

When to Start

3-14-13 Start

Some people struggle with starting something new until every condition is perfect. Experience tells me this results in never starting. So, the perfect time to start is right now. Just one small step forward. Something. Anything. In order for small things to add up over time to make a huge difference, you have to be doing some small things. Choose one and start right now!

A Final Note

Know that person who seems to have it all together? She’s organized, in shape, and eats healthy. Her kids and husband seem content. You want to be just like her, right? Well, first realize that rarely are things as they appear. Secondly, know that being like her is impossible simply because you’re not her.

In other words, be you. Figure out the systems and approaches that work for you. Yes, they’ll be a combination of the approaches of others, but no two people have the exact same system for managing time and reaching goals.

For more on this, check out my guest post entitled The Big Picture: My Own Life Plan Method and its sequel Living in the Details: My Daily Plan at Christian Faith at Work. Then, check out Chris Patton’s articles entitled 3 Keys to Creating New Habits and The Daily Game Plan: A Must Use Tool! Not only will these give you some very different perspectives on goal setting and time management, they’ll help you more fully understand how we truly are all unique in our approaches to life.

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