With lives securely based on trust in God, we can move forward in imperfect relationships. We work toward holiness together, knowing we’ll make mistakes but also seeing progress made toward complete perfection. And that moving forward requires building trust even within imperfect relationships.
Establishing trust involves first understanding some truths about trust that may be difficult to admit and accept. We’ve talked about these truths already in previous posts (listed at the bottom of this post), but let’s revisit them for a moment here.
- Only God is completely trustworthy. He never changes, and we can be completely confident in Him at all times.
- Expectations and past experiences shape trust. Sure, how much we trust others depends on their overall trustworthiness, but how much we trust them also depends on our lifetime of experiences with trust as well as on our expectations.
- You’re the only person whose trust you control. Determine to be trustworthy. Do what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it. Purpose to live peacefully with others as much as it is up to you to do so.
Understanding how trust works allows us to build and establish trust in relationships. We must always remember that learning to trust is a process, and we must continually work to maintain that trust. And often, we must choose to enter the process of learning to trust even in the absence of trustworthiness because people need the opportunity to be trusted in order to become trustworthy.
- Verbalize it. Talk about trust. For example, I tell my kids that how much I trust them is up to them. They determine the level of trust I have for them based on their overall choices. Discuss broken trust when it happens, learn from it and move toward reestablishing it. Never forget the tremendous role communication plays in building trust.
- Tolerate it. Since human relationships involve imperfection, we either have to tolerate broken trust or refuse to be a part of any relationships because building trust in relationships requires tolerating broken trust. Tolerating doesn’t mean accepting the behavior, but it does mean committing to dealing with it when it happens, hopefully without severing the relationship.
- Wait for it. Trust takes time to establish. It also takes a lot of ups and downs. Determine to stick to building trust over the long haul, and refuse to give up even when trust is broken.
After being hurt yet again by broken trust, we naturally want to retreat and live a life not trusting others in an effort to avoid being hurt again. Yet, when we focus on the One who is completely trustworthy, we can enter relationships, be hurt by broken trust in them, and continue moving forward.
We don’t have to be constantly derailed by broken trust. Because we’re safe in the hands of the One who is trustworthy, we know He won’t let anything ultimately hurt us. He’s got us for eternity, and nothing can take that away. This motivates me to bravely enter relationships knowing I’ll be hurt. It leads me to ask others to trust me even though I’ll likely let them down at some point.
Since no one can take away that which is most important – salvation & a relationship with Christ – living within the boundaries of imperfect relationships doesn’t frighten me anymore. I can feel the pain of broken trust and choose to move forward, working for peace and unity and knowing doing so pleases Him.
DISCUSSION: How does your relationship with Christ encourage you to keep working toward trusting in relationships?
Other posts on trust: