Timing Matters

Timing 2Poor Timing

“Why doesn’t anyone listen to what I say?” My complaint probably sounded like a broken record to my husband. Frustration over someone failing to heed my advice resulted once again in stimulating this repeated source of relational frustration.

Then awareness hit me like a punch in the face. If multiple people from a variety of settings and types of relationships seem not to listen to me, perhaps the problem lies with me and not with others.

Some people (my husband) have a terrific sense of timing in conversations. Whether funny or serious, the flow seems as natural as breathing. Other people (myself), struggle finding the “right” words, which often (usually) come long after the conversation ends. And ill-timed humor only amplifies uncomfortable and awkward feelings.

For a while, past mistakes in conversations were just too painful to risk repeating. Additionally, extreme sensitivity created a constant awareness of every interruption, every misplaced comment and certainly every blank stare of confusion. So, to minimize these miscues in timing, I simply avoided face-to-face conversations.

As you might guess, avoiding talking to others is pretty impossible. Sure, I can do a lot of communicating via electronic methods, but they in no way substitute for the richness of connection made when talking to someone while at the same time experiencing the fullness of their presence.

Instead of allowing struggles with timing in conversations to suffocate relationships, either by lack of awareness or through over-sensitivity, a better approach involves taking time to increase understanding of timing in conversations. Perhaps in doing so, I can finally discover victory within this struggle.

Understanding Timing

Timing involves when something happens or is done (or said), especially when that timing is thought of as having a good or bad effect on the result. Timing also involves the ability to chose the best moment for some action, movement, words, etc.

Timing within conversations significantly impacts the success or failure of the contained communication. It also involves well-timed orchestration of the elements involved in successful communication.

Timing Awareness

As I thought about past failed communication, I realized that my poor timing had a huge impact. And that poor timing usually took place because one or more of the following were happening.

  1. Failing to fully listen because I’m thinking of what I want to say next.
  2. Getting distracted & being unable to hear what was being said.
  3. Talking before letting the other person finish talking.
  4. Focusing on giving advice rather than on understanding the person.
  5. Letting my emotions take over my flow of words.

Knowing that any one of these can knock the timing of a conversation off kilter, being aware of each conversation malady provides a first step for improving my timing when talking with others.

timingTiming Words

Poor timing with our words involves a myriad of factors. Poor social skills, loneliness and selfishness all impact a person’s timing when they talk to others. Being uninterested in others, having a lack of confidence and feeling intimidated can also impact how well we pace conversations.

Understanding that one or more factors may be at play in those to whom we are speaking helps in employing patience, but realizing theses issues may also exist within ourselves can help in making necessary adjustments for at least improving our end of the flow of communication.

Once awareness and understanding begin, we can then apply the following Biblical principles.

  1. Listen first and more. (Proverbs 18:13)
  2. Let relationships develop. (Proverbs 6:1-5)
  3. Use good sense. (Proverbs 11:12)
  4. Think first. (Proverbs 13:3 & 29:20)
  5. Use less words. (Proverbs 17:27-28)
  6. Be slow to speak. (James 1:19-20)

Notice that much of what Scripture reveals about timing involves not speaking but instead deliberately focusing on others in the conversation. Maybe this is because our words simply don’t matter when others don’t feel heard in a way that shows their value.

Focusing on understanding provides the key to proper timing in conversations. Sure, other people’s baggage impacts the conversation too, but your honing of timing certainly increases the probability of understanding and growth.

DISCUSSION: What impact has timing, or lack of it, had on your communication?

Sunday Reflections – Lessons from a Jr. High Track Meet

The track season has ended, and summer approaches. We look forward to cross country in the fall, which involves running consistently through the summer. Running runs in the family for us. We have different paces (6-minute mile to 10-minute mile) and different distances we enjoy (5k to 1/2 marathons), but we all enjoy running.

While running has been a part of our family for years, this year was our first experience with track meets since our oldest son is now in 7th grade, which is the first year students at his school can compete in track. The variety of runners didn’t surprise me, since I’ve been running for 25 years now and know that people of all shapes and sizes run. I love that about running.

While I am not surprised at how my Everyday God speaks to me through the details of life, I still find delight and joy when He does it. And he did so again recently while watching my son’s junior high track meets with the following observations.

  1. Finish. (2 Timothy 4:7) At the first track meet of the year, one hurdler tripped and fell on his wrist. He then got up with his wrist dangling, looked around startled, and finished the race with one more hurdle to jump. Then, he left for the hospital to get his broken wrist treated. I don’t know this kid at all, but he showed great maturity (even in confusion and pain) to finish the race despite the pain, a lessons many adults seem to fail to grasp.
  2. Form. (Romans 12:6) While the form used depends on the type of running (distance vs. sprints for example), running form definitely makes a difference in speed and stamina. My son, while he has improved, has shall we just say an “interesting” running form. Another boy on his team runs on his toes. Two other boys (twins) have long, sweeping strides and arm movements. But they all finish the race, and they make up some of the fastest runners on the team. We all run the race differently, with our own unique style and gifting, but we all can complete successfully in the race.
  3. Focus. (1 Corinthians 9:24) Especially when sprinting, looking around at the other runners can be deadly. It can cost precious seconds that can lose the race. Focus in running means running your own race and letting others run theirs. A favorite television show of my family’s is The Amazing Race. We have watched it for many years, and it’s clear that the teams who do the best are generally the ones who focus on their own race and don’t worry much about what the other teams are or are not doing. Distractions can get us off track and cause us to lose the race.

You may be wondering why this week’s Sunday Reflections post focuses on middle school track, so let me explain. First, as I mentioned already, the track season ended earlier this week. Second, my husband ran a marathon this past Saturday, and we were out of town for the weekend. As a result of these two events, running was on my mind more than usual this week. More importantly though, I wanted to make the point that we serve a God who is everywhere. I believe He can and does speak to us anywhere, even at a middle school track meet or a marathon. So even if you miss church, although it shouldn’t be a habit because fellowship and worship are crucial to the victorious Christian walk, know that God will meet you wherever you are and speak to your heart in that place. You just need to be listening. When you are, the miraculous can happen, even learning from junior highers!

DISCUSSION: How is your race going these days? What are you focusing on?

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