A Gentle & Quiet Spirit

1 peter 3Solitude. Quiet. Silence. My soul sometimes wants to live there, literally. The Rockies or Smokies. A remote Hawaiian beach house. Even a secluded lake house in my home state of Michigan would suffice.

But that’s not where my life exists. It exists taxiing busy teenage boys to practices, making sure the kitchen stays stocked, and making sure homework gets completed. It exists with a husband often overwhelmed by work responsibilities and needing to know his home life is quiet and stable.

The busyness of those I love seems to pull me along in life at times. I wonder my place, not just as a mom and wife but as a Christian wanting to please God.

At times, my place in this busyness feels insignificant in comparison. They live lives of activity and relationships and growth while I wait for them to need me.

Atmosphere of the Inner Self

I’ve been a working mother and a stay-at-home mother, and in both scenarios wondered how to be an individual. Seems that many wives and mothers struggle with wanting unique identities but know their identities lie wrapped up in the lives of their families.

For me, this struggle came through a focus on accomplishments rather than on who I was as a person, or rather, than on the atmosphere that enfolded out of my inner self. Scripture encourages me to be known for “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4). In fact, it tells me this is “precious” to God.

Creating an atmosphere that comes out of a “gentle and quiet spirit” allows for a place of stability and consistency that my busy family needs. It provides a place of peace and quiet along with gentleness that contrasts so heavily with the noise, clutter and brashness of our culture.

Hidden & Imperishable

Some days, as hard as I try, my spirit is anything but gentle and quiet. Instead, feelings of frustration and being overlooked consume my thoughts. My family finds a moody and downright grumpy atmosphere, and home becomes the least helpful place for them to relax and escape from outside pressures.

On these days, the deep cry of my heart becomes, “Oh Holy Spirit, I need you to transform my inner spirit, so that my home can exist as a place of refuge and strength for my family.”

A deeper look at 1 Peter 3:4 reveals two qualities that must also exist in order for a “gentle and quiet spirit” to have staying power, to be more than just an occasional good day when I don’t constantly react and snap and scowl.

  1. Hidden. Hiding something takes effort while reacting happens all too easily. Take the time to hide a “gentle and quiet spirit” deep within by developing a Discipline of Silence and by constantly returning to the Lord where “quietness and confidence” brings strength (Isaiah 30:15).
  2. Imperishable. Creating that which lasts also takes effort, while the perishable remains instantly available. While the physical has some value (1 Timothy 4:8), focus on increasing the fruits of the spirit grows the imperishable nature of that “gentle and quiet spirit” and provides a safe atmosphere of mercy and grace.

A life changing toward gentleness speaks loudly to growing kids who need stability and consistency as life screams at them to compete and stretch and grow. An atmosphere of quiet strength gives a stressed-out spouse space to live without expectations of productivity and attention.

A quiet and consistent faith not only provides a family with a safe atmosphere for processing life, but it also shows Christ in a way they probably can’t see while out in the world. And that, truly, is a sight precious to God.

DISCUSSION: Comment on the role of “a gentle and quiet spirit” for Christians in general, regardless of gender or age.

Harmony In Submission

The Bible sometimes uses marriage to describe what our relationship with Christ will look like in Heaven (Revelation 19:7, for example). In making this connection, God creates a framework for earthly marriages that foreshadows our future relationship with Him.

This framework is detailed further in Ephesians.

“…and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25)

Out of respect for Christ and His submission to the will of the Father, we submit ourselves to our spouses within marriage. Unfortunately, our flesh often bucks up when we hear the word submission because we think it dictates a domineering relationships in some way. But that’s not what God intended.

For Wives

Submission means following a husband’s leadership in Christ. This includes complete commitment to your husband and the relationship. It involves cheering him on instead of trying to fix and change him (that’s God’s job anyway). It means deciding to build him up whenever possible.

On an individual level, a godly wife focuses on developing her inner beauty.

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:3-4)

Note that the scripture doesn’t say to NOT pay attention to your appearance; it just says to not give that a greater focus.

For Husbands

Submission means laying aside your own interests to care for your wife. In doing so, you seek to understand and protect her and to also strive for gentleness and tenderness.

In addition, your leadership should reflect godliness and not demand servitude.

“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)

In addition to honoring his wife, a good marriage also benefits a husband’s spiritual life. Logically, the opposite is also true.

Harmony In Submission

As husbands and wives submit to one another “in the fear of Christ,” they show their trust in God. They let go of self, the enemy to submission. They deliberately and intentionally choose to prefer one another.

In marriage, separate wholes come together to make one new whole.

“And the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:8)

Through submission as Scripture indicates, spouses learn how to harmonize with one another. In doing so, they become a beautiful tune pleasing to the ear not only of people around them, but most significantly of God in Heaven.

More importantly, spouses within a Godly marriage learn how their relationship with Christ will be in Heaven. Realizing this is life-changing as we understand that not only are we building up our spouses as we strive for harmonious submission, but we are also preparing ourselves for eternity.