When I think of interacting with difficult people, my first instinct is to avoid them. Sometimes, when I feel especially unable to respond well, I actively shut them out even if we’re in the same room. While this may be necessary from time to time (it’s sometimes better to say nothing than to say something hurtful), it’s not a healthy long-term approach. So, what is?
“Do your part to live at peace with everyone, as much as it is possible.” (Romans 12:18)
Between the lines of this verse is the idea that I can only do my part and that living in peace with others is not fully up to me. The next natural question for me, then, is… What exactly is my part?
The four verses just before Romans 12:18 provide some answers.
Bless others even if they’re difficult. (v. 14)
Share with others in good and bad times. (v. 15)
Don’t let pride get in the way. (v. 16)
Always do what is right. (v. 17)
The three verses after Romans 12:18 give even more direction.
Let God right any wrongs. (v. 19)
Meet others needs, even the needs of difficult
people. (v. 20)
Doing good is a weapon. (v. 21)
God’s word is clear about how we should treat those who are difficult to treat well. These instructions help me want to please God with the way I treat difficult people.
After all, I cannot control others. My job is to do “my part.” I’ve made the decision once again to not let others decide what that part is but to instead let it be defined by God.
My youngest son, Richard, (pictured on the left below) left for Navy boot camp today. He’ll be there for 8 weeks before going to training (military police) in San Antonio, TX. Please pray that he excels in both boot camp and MP training. Also, please pray that he finds the support and encouragement of Godly men in the military.
Also, the young man, Logan, on the right in the photo, leaves for Marine boot camp in August. Please keep him in your prayers as well. Thank you!
“Eat honey, my son, for it is good; honey from the comb is sweet to your taste. Know also that wisdom is like honey for you: If you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” (Proverbs 24:13-14)
Both wisdom and honey come from what seems ordinary. Bees
gather nectar from flowers, digest it, then produced honey. We accumulate life
experiences, digest them, and hopefully develop wisdom as a result.
“Both are gathered slowly, carefully, knowingly, arduously, and sometimes painfully.” (Phillips Commentary)
Both honey and wisdom are beneficial and sweet. They also
both have medicinal value as well.
Knowing all this, consider the following verses and use them
to assess the value you place on wisdom.
“The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The decrees of the Lord are firm, and all of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb. By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward.” (Psalm 19:7-11)
The following questions can help guide your meditation of these verses.
What are the different ways the Psalm describes
What are the benefits of God’s word to us?
How can the Bible’s connection of honey and
wisdom shape your understanding of God’s word?
In The Purpose Driven Life, Day 3, Rick Warren begins by
asking this question:
“What drives your life?”
In the discussion, Warren talks about “quiet desperation”
and “aimless distraction.” All of us can probably describe what each of those
means and be able to give examples of what they look like within our own lives.
Each of us also knows how these really mean that we’ve lost
focus on what drives our lives. A truly frustrating state of mind, to be sure.
While we could look at this topic from a variety of angles,
let’s focus on only one. In Warren’s words…
“You become effective by being selective.”
Taking on too much. Worrying. Being too busy. People
pleasing. Mediocrity. Following feelings. Seeking acceptance from the world.
Approval seeking. Making comparisons.
That’s my list. It’s what overwhelms me if I’m not
selective. If I fail to focus and instead follow fads and feelings, I’m not at
all effective. Instead, I’m depressed and frustrated, all because I’m not being
Being selective means choosing best over good enough. It means
pursuing expertise instead of being a generalist. Most important, for
Christians being selective means letting God decide who, what, when, where, why
How does this happen?
God’s word to Joshua when he was likely feeling overwhelmed
be being thrust into leadership and given an overwhelming task to accomplish gives
us the instruction we need.
“Keep the law always on your lips. Meditate on it day and night, careful to do everything it says. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” (Joshua 1:8)
For the Christian, then, being selective means:
Knowing God’s Word fully.
Studying God’s Word continually.
Obeying God’s Word completely.
Leaving the results up to God.
Being selective involves walking a God-directed path. We can only know the steps to take, though, if we know God’s directions. Only then will we be effective in truly eternal ways.
Ever been told to “pay attention”? Ever tell someone else to
“pay attention”? We can all probably answer “yes” to both of these questions.
Every wonder why we so often struggle to pay attention? If
pressed to give a short answer, I would say, “comfort and distraction.”
Distraction probably makes sense to most. We struggle paying
attention often because we have so much other stuff vying for our focus.
Comfort, though? For me, yes. Often, actually.
A significant, often overlooked, danger to/enemy of our
attention is comfort. Comfort with the world and with our own level of growth.
When we get too comfortable, we let our guards down. As a result, things (habits, activities, people, etc.) get into our lives – and become distractions – that shouldn’t. We then begin to pay attention to those distractions and make them our focus.
If you’re struggling to visualize this happening, read
through the book of Judges. It’s filled with examples of how God’s people got
comfortable and failed to pay attention over and over and over again.
Do An Assessment
To avoid the damage that can happen when you fail to pay attention, take time to assess your own attentiveness to the things of God regularly. The following questions can help:
Do I regularly read and meditate on Scripture? Am I dwelling on it or rushing through?
Are my prayer times forced and obligatory?
How are my reactions? Am I quick to rush to conclusions? Do I make decisions based on far too many assumptions rather than taking time to get the facts?
Is my attitude like a roller coaster?
Am I always in a hurry? Do I constantly push others to step up the pace too?
Let the Holy Spirit show you where you need to make adjustments. Let God guide you to a place of focused attention that propels your productivity for Him.
While the extremes vary, everyone experiences changing seasons no matter where they live. Even Hawaii changes seasons, though not an extreme difference and only between two different seasons (summer and winter).
If you think changing seasons are unchangeable events, think again. Climate change experts say that the timing of seasons is now changing.
The Earth’s seasons have shifted back in the calendar year, with the hottest and coldest days of the years now occurring almost two days earlier, a new study finds. This shift could be the work of global warming, the researchers say. (Timing of Seasons is Changing)
Yes, even the changing seasons are becoming more unpredictable, though if you live in a place like I do (Michigan) that has always been the case.
Our season changes are extreme, and you simply love or hate it. I’ve actually heard of people missing the extreme changes after moving to a place with less seasonal change. Also, every time we enter a new season, someone (often a person who has lived in the area for many years) expresses surprise over it happening.
If you live in an area of extreme seasonal changes, you have to admit to the beauty of every season. I’ll admit, it’s sometimes hard to see when it’s hot and humid or rainy or bitter cold or there’s a foot of snow on the ground or you experience rain, fog, snow and cold with a 40-degree temperature drop all in one day.
Change – unexpected or not – keeps life interesting.
Our lives have seasons too, some expected and some not. Some people embrace the change, some resist; most do both, and all are at times surprised when change takes place.
Staunchly resisting change is futile as well as unhealthy. We all know this both by observation and experience, but it doesn’t stop us from stubbornly resisting change at times.
Why do we sometimes resist the changing of life’s seasons and other times embrace them? Why do we in our hearts often wish things wouldn’t change?
The answers to these questions are unique to every person. What we all have in common, though, is the need for stability within change.
Stability Within Change
Stability within change is essential for thriving as the seasons inevitably change in our lives. For Christians, this means focusing on God who does not change.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8 )
“Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.[a He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” James 1:17
As the seasons of life morph in both expected and unexpected ways, I am learning to lean heavily on Jesus. The hope he gives keeps me stable amidst the changes of the many extremes in my life.
“This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” Hebrews 6:19
One of the biggest mistakes I made when I was young (teenager up to age 30) was failing to be teachable, especially in the area of taking advice. I remember my mom encouraging me once to learn from her mistakes. My response, “I want to make my own mistakes.” I know… stupid.
I’ve since realized the immense value of learning from others, of taking advice forged in the depths of consequences. I see reminders of this value throughout the Bible, and they always encourage me to stay willing to receive advice from others.
Let’s look at a few verses in Proverbs 13 for insight into how taking advice is beneficial. By no means is this all the Bible has to say about taking advice, but it’s a good start.
“Pride leads to arguments. Those who take advice are wise.” (v. 10)
“People who despise advice will find themselves in trouble; those who respect it will succeed.” (v. 13)
“The advice of the wise is like a life-giving fountain; those who accept it avoid the snares of death.” (v. 14)
“If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept criticism, you will be honored.” (v. 18)
My initial observations/thoughts/application points after reading these verses are:
Notice the role pride plays in distracting us from receiving advice.
We are to respect advice, not necessarily follow every piece of it.
Who we receive advice from is important.
Advice sometimes comes in the form of criticism.
When I combine these reflections with my experiences in receiving advice along with other Scripture on the topic (Proverbs 11:14, 12:15, 19:20 & James 1:5), I realize the importance of listening to the advice that comes my way. It’s not always accurate, but it is always worth hearing out and storing for future reference.
As a young person, I failed to listen to the advice of those older than me and instead relied on my own feelings or on the advice of those my age who also acted mostly based on feelings. As a result, I ended up making the same types of mistakes that Rehoboam made (1 Kings 12:6-8). Age isn’t always important when it comes to the source of advice; however, experience does matter and can play a tremendous role in the value of advice.
Taking advice and learning from the experiences of others is just one example of how to be teachable. Being teachable also involves listening, asking for help, and pursuing wisdom.
Are you good at receiving advice from others? In what ways are you teachable? How can you become more teachable? I encourage you to spend time prayerfully considering these questions and determine to cultivate a teachable spirit.
Determination can be good or bad depending on your focus. It also lasts or fades depending on the approach we take to maintaining it. As Christians, our goal is to maintain a God-focused determination.
Let’s look at three individuals in scripture from whom we can learn a lot about a God-focused determination.
Ezra’s determination teaches us that we must be hearers, doers and teachers of God’s Word. (Ezra 7:9-10)
Daniel’s determination shows us that resisting the surrounding culture is not only possible but necessary. (Daniel 1:8)
Paul’s determination illustrates the need for complete focus on the finish line. (1 Corinthians 9:26)
These men teach us a great deal about staying determined, and they set examples we can and should follow.
Through Ezra’s, Daniel’s and Paul’s examples, we see that staying determined is possible. In addition, the Bible clearly indicates where our determination should focus.
Avoid sin: Know your convictions before you are tested. (Job 31:1)
Stand firm: Stand in faith, and you will be protected. (Isaiah 7:9)
Follow Christ: Let Him lead you in every area of life. (Mark 8:34-38)
How to Be Determined
How do we obtain and maintain an enduring God-focused determination? Let’s again look to Ezra, Daniel & Paul for answers.
Ezra praised God for giving him favor. He also went to the Lord with concerns. (Ezra 7:27-28; Ezra 9)
Daniel had a habit of prayer that he maintained even when facing death. (Daniel 6:10)
Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, often included prayers filled with thanksgiving, prayers for others, as well as prayer requests for his ministry. (See a list of Paul’s prayers on Scripture Zealot.)
Habits of prayer, praise and thanksgiving are keys to constant God-focused determination. Also, never forget that God promises to help us stay determined.
“For the Lord God helps Me, therefore, I am not disgraced; therefore, I have set my face like flint (a stone), and I know that I will not be ashamed.” (Isaiah 50:7)
We live in a time when taking personal responsibility is happening less and less. That means what the Bible says about taking responsibility stands more and more in contrast to our surrounding culture. Let’s look at one example of this.
“Do your part to live at peace with everyone as much as possible.” (Romans 12:18
When I read this verse, I immediately ask, “What’s my part?” The specific answer to this questions varies from one situation and person to the next, so it’s important to continually seek the answer.
Each one of us also has to realize that we are each responsible only for our own efforts. We cannot force anyone to act peaceably toward anyone else. Also, we must face the hard truth that living at peace with everyone isn’t always possible even if it’s always the goal.
The Bible has a lot to say about how to live at peace with others. Many verses offer guiding principles for doing our part in every situation to continually “live at peace” with others.
“Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” (Psalm 34:14)
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. (Matthew 5:9)
“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.” (Matthew 5:39-41)
“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” (Hebrews 12:14)
“Live in peace with each other.” (1 Thessalonians 5:13)
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15)
Some of these verses give specific instructions for living at peace with others, such as turning from wrong and doing good and not retaliating when someone wrongs us. Others simply restate the command. All of them cement the truth as integral in the lives of Christians.
We simply cannot escape that God wants us to do whatever we can to live at peace with others. That doesn’t mean we compromise convictions and values to keep the peace. We must, however, exhaust our efforts to live in peace with others through personal responsibility and sacrifice.
Only through the transforming power of God as His Holy Spirit works in us is this possible.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)
Did you notice that everything we need in order to live at peace with others exists as fruits of the Spirit?
What does God want me to do on a day-to-day basis?
How does he want me to live?
What is His will for my life?
The Bible certainly provides much detail in answer to those questions. Sometimes, though, I just want (need) a simple answer.
Some days get so overloaded I feel overwhelmed and like I’m barely keeping up. On those days, I want a basic answer to help me refocus. Fortunately, we can find those in the Bible too.
“Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
This verse comes at the end of Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians. So, it’s part of his final instructions. I always look at the end of Biblical letters, verses like this one, as “if you remember nothing else of what I said, remember this.” Or, “if you want a starting point, here you go.” That’s how I usually take those instructions.
In other words, I see final words like these as ways to not over-complicate God’s will for us. Yes, there are more details we can and should delve into. At the same time, instructions like these help me keep a simple focus, something I need help with when life feels overwhelming.
Even on my worst days, simple instructions like these serve to refocus me on God’s will. Even the slightest turn of my focus more fully on him serves to encourage my spirit and lessen the burden of overload.