5 Tips for Getting a Good Night’s Sleep

Research proves sleep is important. In fact, it plays an essential role in a person’s ability to be productive and healthy.

While experts say that everyone needs 7-8 hours of solid slumber every night, many individuals argue they can be at their best with less. Regardless, the fact remains that a good night’s sleep, however you define that, is essential.

While I still sometimes struggle getting a good night’s sleep, doing so is no longer a constant struggle like it used to be. Most nights, I now sleep a full 7 hours and wake feeling refreshed. This doesn’t happen by chance. I’ve learned that I have a great deal of control over how well I sleep, something I didn’t always believe to be true.

5 Tips for Getting a Good Night’s Sleep

These tips are mostly based on my personal struggle with sleep over the years. However, what I learned by trial and error is actually supported by what experts recommend too.

  1. Consider supplements. Some people swear by prescription sleep aids, but I never liked the results and side effects. Some people take melatonin every night before bed to help them fall asleep quickly. For me, drinking tea with valerian and/or chamomile works best. Everyone is different, and it’s okay to experiment a bit in order to find out what works.
  2. Evaluate your environment. While my husband can sleep with the lights on or off and with noise or quiet, I need almost total darkness and complete silence. The temperature of the room matters too. I don’t like to be too cold, but my mother loves to have the window open when it’s freezing outside. Getting a consistent environment can go a long way in getting a good night’s sleep.
  3. Experiment with tools. Tools for sleeping include eye masks, ear plugs, white noise (a fan, for example), a body pillow, and an electric blanket. Again, play with these different tools to see what helps you sleep better. While the electric blanket is the only one I use at home (we live in Michigan, and the nights can get quite cold, especially when my husband is traveling for work), I do use ear plugs sometimes when traveling (like when camping). I have also used an eye mask in the past when I wanted to take a nap or could not control the room’s lighting.
  4. Change your bedtime routine. Caffeine and alcohol or wine too close to bedtime can affect how a person sleeps, and so can viewing any type of media screen (television, smart phone, computer, etc.). Think about what you do after 8:00PM that may be contributing to your sleep problems.
  5. Think about how you rest. Some people struggle sleeping at night because they replay their day over and over again in their minds. They struggle with how to relax. Counteracting this happens in a variety of ways. Ideas include writing down thoughts before going to bed and finding ways to relax during the day to prevent stress building up. Some people find that a power nap every afternoon helps them relax and feel less stressed at the end of the day. Others use full-body muscle relaxation techniques, and still others employ stretching and exercise to reduce stress.

Find What Works for You

The combination of techniques is unique to every individual. In addition, work toward as much consistency as possible with your routine. This includes getting up and going to sleep at about the same time every day, even during vacation and on weekends.

The benefits of a good night’s sleep include increased productivity, consistent energy levels and improved relationships. It also results in a more positive outlook on life. In fact, a good night’s sleep is an essential building block for EVERY area of life.

Don’t neglect this crucial proponent of good health. Simply put, being well-rested is one of the best ways to be ready to “make the most of every opportunity.” (See Ephesians 5:15-16). This was a huge motivation for me to improve my sleep routine. Getting a good night’s sleep goes a long way in helping me to be consistently at my best.

If you consistently sleep well, how do you make that happen? If you don’t, what will you try to hopefully change that?

Why We Need Variety within Spiritual Disciplines

Below is a guest post by Chris Peek. Chris blogs at Trail Reflections where he offers content that encourages leaders to discover their life mission, live with intention, pursue adventure and become fully alive.

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Why We Need Variety within Spiritual Disciplines

My heart is prone to forget. For seven years, my wife has struggled with a chronic health condition known as POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) – a form dysautonomia. From 2008-2011, we traversed the specialty medical circuit – VCU, Vanderbilt, Toledo, and the Mayo Clinic – as Karen underwent test after test, consultation after consultation.

Over time, it became apparent that she would be forced to manage the disease rather than be cured of it. Through the days, months, and years of pain and struggle, Karen has shown incredible strength and resolve. And as her condition became our new “normal,” our attention turned to growing our family.

Some doctors opined that we should hold off on having children. However, Karen’s POTS specialist in Toledo encouraged us to pursue pregnancy, stating that many POTS patients do really well while pregnant.

Yet after three miscarriages, we contemplated whether or not we should simply give up. Thankfully, we didn’t lose complete hope, even in the midst of some extremely dark days. Eventually, Karen got pregnant once again, and this time, everything seemed to be on track right up through the first several hours of labor.

I have a saying that few things in our lives seem to come easy, and the delivery of our son would be no exception. About 4:30 AM, the doctor burst into our room, jarring me out of my light nap. With a deep concern in his voice, he confirmed that both Karen’s and the baby’s heart rates were unstable. They needed to perform a C-section right away. After the longest hour-and-a-half of my life, she gave birth to our beautiful, healthy son.

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Prone to Forget

Six months later, my heart is prone to forget about the struggle and pain. I am more apt to go about our daily routine of diaper changes and battling acid reflux without spending a moment recognizing God’s blessing of a beautiful baby boy.

Similarly, my heart is prone to lose sight of the cross and the brutal sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf. I am so self-absorbed that I am more concerned about paying the bills than God’s work throughout the nations. I can stand in awe of God’s blessing one day and have completely forgotten about His favor a mere 24 hours later.

Maybe that is why the apostle Paul urges us to “Pray without ceasing…” or why the Psalmist prayerfully offers, “I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways.”

There are so many distractions in our world that it takes discipline to remain in firmly entrenched in God’s presence. Spiritual discipline. That’s not a phrase we hear bandied about too much anymore, even within the walls of the church. Discipline sounds so twentieth century. We live in the century of instantaneous pleasure and success.

I’m probably the last person who should be writing about spiritual discipline because my heart is prone to wander and is filled with inconsistencies. Nevertheless, an ongoing relationship with God cannot exist without spiritual discipline. Discipline is a word we often associate with routine and boredom. Yet by adding a little variety, we can keep our relationship with God alive and vibrant.

Variety within Spiritual Disciplines

We don’t have to sit in the same location to pray or read the Bible. We don’t have to attend the same church service and sit in the same pew we have been sitting in for the last 20 years. If your spiritual walk feels stale, it’s probably because it is. The goal of spiritual discipline is not discipline in and of itself, but to draw into a more intimate walk with the Father.

What are some ways we can add variety to spiritual disciplines?

Worship – This can take on so many forms. Why not look for creative and meaningful ways to worship? Work is worship. Art is worship. Singing is worship. The key is whether the worship points back to God or to self.

Prayer – I like to pray while I am walking on a nature trail. Sometimes I talk to God while driving. Other times, I prefer to pray just sitting in silence. We may need to break away for an hour and spend time with God in His Creation.

Acts of Service – There are an infinite number of ways to serve the church and community. They key involves utilizing our unique calling in a variety of others-centered ways.

Bible Reading – There are numerous, sound Bible translations available to us, and it may help to switch up every once in a while. In addition, we have limitless books, courses, Bible studies, and workbooks available at the click of a mouse. These resources provide a helpful way to inject life into devotional times.

DISCUSSION: Is your heart prone to wander? What other ways can we add variety to spiritual disciplines in order to make our hearts come alive?

 

When Dreams Feel Just Out of Reach

The following is a guest post from Dave Arnold. Dave is an an author, speaker, and coach who loves helping people thrive in life and be all that God has called them to be.

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dreamsFor years I’ve had the dream of becoming a full-time public speaker. As far back as I can remember I’ve always loved to speak. As a young child, people would tell my mom, “Wow, your son is so verbal.” – a polite way of saying I talk too much.

After I gave my first speech in college, my world changed.

My professor confirmed this and said, “Dave, I think you have a real gift.” From that day on, I loved speaking. In fact, I had many opportunities to speak in college: at chapel, on mission trips, at a summer camp – and I loved it.

In 2002, just two years after my wife and I married, I got a job at a big church as the College and Young Adult Pastor, and I spoke every Saturday night to about 200 twenty-something’s. As great as this was, my sights were set on the big stage – the weekend services where about 10,000 people attended.

My goal was to speak in the main church auditorium, and I was certain the lead pastor, once he discovered my gift, would be knocking on my door for me to speak. After a couple of years, I began to wonder what was taking so long.

That knock never came. Only silence. And then one day I heard a knock on the office door next to mine. It was the lead pastor and he was there to see John, the new Singles Pastor, who started two months back.

I overheard the conversation, and my heart sank when I heard the pastor say, “John, I would like you to speak at a weekend service.”

What!?” I thought. “s only been here two months and I have been here four years!”

And then my chest tightened, I gritted my teeth, and the tears started to flow… I mean, it was Niagara Falls. I couldn’t control it.

Although I was devastated, this experience taught me some valuable lessons. Here’s what I learned.

More work Needed

The truth was, I felt entitled to speak, like I had earned it – or so I thought. But honestly that is pride, and pride is blinding and often isn’t exposed until we are forced to change.

We live in a culture of instants: instant pleasure, instant connections, instant information. And when things don’t work out the way we’d thought or hoped, we are prone to meltdown, or to cry (like I did).

Living out your dream is not instantaneous. It takes time and work and struggle. There are days we feel closer than ever, and other days like throwing in the towel.

Pain and Discomfort Are a Part of Dream-Chasing

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“A general rule in creating stories,” writes Donald Miller, “is that characters don’t want to change. They must be forced to change.”

Ouch! But so true. I needed to change. My perspective was off. I needed a good ol’ dose of humility.

Just because we have a natural talent for something – writing, speaking, music, whatever – doesn’t mean we don’t need to work on it. And often working on it means having to face rejection and discomfort.

Great art, I believe, is often forged through pain and discomfort.

You’re Closer Than You Realize 

A closed door does not mean your dream won’t come true or is unattainable; it just means there’s more work to be done, more preparation, more transformation.

After I cried my face off for a bit in my office, I picked myself up and got back to work. And I can honestly say something changed within me that day. I no longer tried to prove myself and get noticed. I no longer measured my value in whether I would speak or not.

I decided to just be myself and do what I needed to do.

Ten years and two kids later, my dream is starting to take shape. I’ve made tons of mistakes, I’ve wanted to give up numerous times… but I’ve kept moving forward. I guess you could say I haven’t given up hope.

And isn’t that the point? To not give up, to keep moving, to keep hope alive. You’re closer than you think. Allow pain and discomfort to make you stronger. Keep believing.

DISCUSSION: How have you dealt with a closed door on your dream? Please share I the comments.

Interview with The Precipice Author, TC Avey

For the month of April, Struggle to Victory is focusing on virtual influences by featuring guest posts, by guest posting on other sites, and by highlighting some of the regular visitors to this blog. Hopefully, you’ll be encouraged, strengthened & challenged by these people as much as I have on a regular basis, people I am proud to say have an impact on my thinking in ways that matter eternally.

THE PRECIPICE_coverToday’s post brings you an interview with author of The Precipice: When Everything We Know Ends, TC Avey.

TC Avey is a Christian devoted to God, family and friends. She is passionate about encouraging Christians to live lives dedicated to Christ as well as to helping them understand the importance of preserving our national freedoms through knowledge and love. She blogs at Wisdom of a Fool. You can also follow her on Twitter. Her book, The Precipice: When Everything We Know Ends, is NOW AVAILABLE on Amazon.

 

Why did you write The Precipice?

I love History and Current Events. In 2008 God began changing the way I view both. I can no longer read history, or news stories, and not see God. While God is a gentlemen and won’t force anyone to believe in Him, He can be seen everywhere. From the dawn of time, He’s been calling out to His creation, longing for a relationship. Far too often people explain Him away with science, logic, nature, or as coincidence.

I wrote this book to help people see God in the world around them. He is speaking to us through so many different venues, but sadly many of us aren’t listening. If we aren’t reading His Word, if we aren’t engaged in what is transpiring in the world, we can’t be effective witnesses of His. And we certainly won’t be the prepared bridesmaids (Matthew 25:1-13) He is looking for upon His return.

Do you think your book evokes fear in people?

I hope it doesn’t, but I can’t control how people respond after reading my book. Here’s something that’s sure to offend some: I think how a reader responds to this book tells more about that person’s relationship with Christ than it does about my book.

My book isn’t meant to inspire fear, but motivation. Motivation to build one’s life upon the Rock. Motivation to have one’s trust completely founded upon Christ and not foolishly placed in worldly goods, conveniences or governments. Motivation to seek God with all their heart, soul, mind and spirit.

I also hope it inspires people to become more aware of Current Events. To be active in our how world is being shaped.

People have more control over what is transpiring in this world than what they take. But having control means being responsible, responsible to Christ and responsible to others.

One of my favorite quotes by Dietrich Bonhoeffer is…

“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”

There is great evil and great good in this world. Which side will you stand on?

Is there hope that the tides can change?

YES! 2 Chronicles 7:14 says,

“if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

God doesn’t lie. Therefore, we can have confidence that if we do our part, He will do His. (Again, we have to be individually accountable and responsible.)

Throughout history people have thought it was “the end”…and here we are. No one knows the hour of Christ’s return.

While Matthew 24 (and other places in the Bible) gives us clues to look for, there’s no formula we can use as a countdown to His return.

The best we can do is live is each day as if it is our last and make each moment count.

What advice do you have for those who are scared of end times and/or modern events?

Draw closer to God. Seek Him in His Word. He will give you revelation, peace, and whatever it is your heart needs. He created you, only He can satisfy what’s going on inside. We must stop looking to others for spiritual nourishment or solutions to our problems. Yes, others can help, but they shouldn’t be our source.

Draw close to God and He will draw close to you. Learn to trust Him by getting to know Him. That takes daily commitment. And remember,

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18, NIV)

Christ is that perfect love. Remain in Him, IN the Vine. (John 15) Let His love and work on the cross perfect and settle you.

DISCUSSION: How do you react when you hear of end time events playing out in the news? What other questions do you have for TC about The Precipice, end time events or any other topic?

NOTE: If you purchase The Precipice in its first week of publication on Amazon, you will also receive a BONUS PACKAGE if you email your receipt to the author BEFORE APRIL 14TH.

Getting to the Root Cause of Stress

398165_2008If you were to take the time to map out all the reasons for stress in your life, you’ll likely discover one main root cause. Yes, stress really is that simple.

What is the root cause? Fear. If we’re brutally honest with ourselves, we’ll realize that when we’re overwhelmed by stressed, we’re really acting in fear.

Fear of failure, Fear of letting others down. Fear of being let down. Fear of sickness and death. Fear of being controlled. Fear of not having enough money. Fear of kids rebelling or getting hurt or failing or embarrassing you. Fear of missing opportunities. Fear of making wrong choices. Fear of loneliness. Fear of mediocrity.

Oh wait, those are MY fears. Those are what cause MY stress. But maybe you can relate?

Unable to Wait

1078872_44288931As I thought more about the fears causing my stress, I realized at the heart is my inability to control people and events. And nowhere is this reality more evident than in my inability to wait for God.

Bob Sorge in The Fire of Delayed Answers says there are three temptations that derail believers trying to wait for God to speak into their lives.

  1. The temptation to demand and immediate answer.
  2. The temptation to give up.
  3. The temptation to just “do something.”

When I think about the times I’ve given into these temptations, I realize they happen because I believe one of my fears is about to be realized. And in my refusal to wait, I’m usually just trying to save myself from that fear. At the same time, I’m allowing my feelings to control my decisions as well as rationalizing and justifying why I can stop the waiting.

The odd thing is that when I give in to these temptations, when I let fear get the best of me, I end up increasing my stress and allowing fear to gain more of a foothold.

How to Finally Overcome Stress

No fear in loveOne of the best stress relievers and probably one of the least pursued is quietness. We sometimes make stellar attempts at quietness on vacations only to return to chaotic lives. While times away have their place and value, it’s really a habit of quietness that addresses fears and derails stress.

As Sorge notes, we have to remember three important points about quietness. It’s does not mean silence, it’s not instant, and it’s easily lost. Quietness must become a habit in order for it to truly alleviate stress.

My own journey to a less stressful life reflects the truth of what Sorge says about quietness. In fact, as I learn to practice quietness, my fears lessen, which in turn reduces stress. Sure, life continues to generate stressful situations and seasons, but they are no longer flavored with fear.

Instead, I am experiencing “perfect love that casts out fear” (1 John 4:18) by seeking Him through:

  1. Reading Scripture: Simply reading the Word of God and letting it live and breathe within me on a regular basis.
  2. Praying Often: A regular conversation with my Creator transforms stress and overload into times of experiencing Him more.
  3. Seeking Input: Godly influence of those who’ve been where you are and are where you want to be is invaluable.
  4. Pursuing Health: Being physically healthy makes a tremendous difference in not letting fears take control.
  5. Simplifying: The simpler the life, the more likely quietness becomes a transformational habit.

As quietness increases and fears subside, as stress no longer rules and reigns, my inner atmosphere increases in peaceful consistency and reliability. And as this happens, I’m experiencing a transformation that only God could orchestrate.

DISCUSSION: How does fear impact your stress level? What are you doing to overcome that fear?

Join the Book club discussing Fire of Delayed Answers by Bob Sorge by leaving a comment below. You can also read more reflections on this book from Jason, Sarah, Dusty, TC, Glynn, and Joell.

GUEST POST INVITATION: For the month of April, my focus will be on guest posting. This will include some of my own guest posts, promotion of other’s blogs and guest post featured on Struggle to Victory. If you are interested in either writing a post for this blog or having me write a post for your blog, please contact me via email. There are still several slots available on the calendar.

The Discipline of Silence, Part II

This series on The Discipline of Silence coincides with another series being posted by my good friend, Rick, at Planned Peasanthood. Please take time to read Rick’s two posts thus far in the series, Quiet on the Set – Discipline of Silence, Part I and Discipline of Silence, Part II – It’s Golden. Rick & I have “talked” extensively about this topic and felt that covering the topic of silence at the same time would provide a unique understanding of the role silence can play. Rick & I come from very different backgrounds, yet the Holy Spirit has weaved our perspectives together in a way that only He can.

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The Discipline of Silence, Part I painted a picture of how our culture seems to work against silence and to instead push for almost constant noise and distraction. And it’s succeeding too.

While silence isn’t always golden, most people live in a silent-deficient state. Regular silence holds tremendous value, and building regular interludes into life provides an important tool for growth.

The Value of Silence

Scripture extols the importance of silence. For example, we see the value of knowing when to wait in silence in Genesis 24:21, and we realize from Elisha in 2 Kings 2:3-5 that some things need to remain unspoken.

But as always, the best example comes from Jesus. Jesus’ regular practice of silence teaches us that silence…

  1. Prepares us for trials. Jesus spent 40 days and 40 nights alone in the wilderness before Satan tempted Him (Matthew 4:1-2). Chances are good He spent that time talking and listening to His Heavenly Father.
  2. Helps us make wise choices. Before choosing His disciples, Jesus spent a night alone in prayer (Luke 6:12-13). He bathed one of the biggest decisions of His life, choosing those who would spread the Gospel, in prayerful solitude.
  3. Provides space to process emotions. As soon as Jesus heard about John the Baptist’s death, he went to be alone (Matthew 14:13). Even Jesus needed space to process emotions.
  4. Helps us recharge. After preaching to and miraculously feeding over 5,000 people, Jesus again went away to be alone (Matthew 14:23). He expended a tremendous amount of physical, emotional and spiritual energy and needed to recharge.
  5. Should be a habit. Scripture tells us that “Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer” (Luke 5:16). In other words, quiet time was a habit for Jesus.
  6. Should sometimes include others. Jesus took his closest disciples with him for the transfiguration, which took place in a place of solitude (Matthew 17:1). While not a completely silent event, it was private and far removed from busyness and noise.

Jesus spent most of His silent times in prayer, which tells us that silence really means an aloneness allowing for connection with the Father. It means finding quiet space away from the busyness of life to focus on the deep part of ourselves that connects with our Creator.

8-1-13 silenceInterlude (Selah)

Scripture provides another example that speaks profoundly about the importance of silence and also helps direct our silence. To help understand this, please take a few minutes to read Psalm 46 and Psalm 62.

When you read through these Psalms and came to the “Interlude” or the word “Selah,” what did you do? Like most people, as I so often have in the past, you likely moved on to the next verse without much thought. Yet, that’s quite the opposite of what the words indicate.

The Amplified version gives insight into “Interlude” and “Selah” by parenthetically indicating a time to “pause and calmly think” of what you just read.

Taking time to “pause and calmly think” as indicated in many Psalms provides a much-needed reminder of the need to stop and spend time in silence, which is really the only way to “pause and calmly think” that works.

Silence as Legend

“Soon silence will have passed into legend. Man has turned his back on silence. Day after day he invents machines and devices that increase noise and distract humanity from the essence of life, contemplation, meditation… tooting, howling, screeching, booming, crashing, whistling, grinding, and trilling bolster his ego. His anxiety subsides. His inhuman void spreads monstrously like a gray vegetation.” (Jean Arp)

Silence provides a way to truly connect with the information we receive in uncountable ways coming at us seemingly every minute of every day. Unfortunately, many people have grown uncomfortable with silence. In fact, many attempt to fill silence, no matter how short, with some sort of activity or meaningless words (”How about that weather?”) just to fill the void. Silence is passing into legend, being steadily replaced by noisy distractions.

As Jesus exemplified and the Psalms encourage, silence gives way to focus inwardly that helps process our lives in meaningful ways and helps ward off the numbness that noisy lives seem to create. Perhaps time spent in silence to prepare for trials, make wise choices, process emotions and recharge would eliminate much of the overload and burnout plaguing us and the ones we love.

Perhaps a habit of silence, mostly alone but sometimes with others, could transform our culture into one of less violence and more meaningful connection. Maybe, a culture-wide discipline of silence could be the answer that so many – from governments to marriages to parents to individuals – seek as they find themselves drowning in the busyness and noise of life.

DISCUSSION: What role does a habit of silence play in your life? What value do you see in regular times of silence?

The Discipline of Silence, Part I

This series on The Discipline of Silence coincides with another series being posted by my good friend, Rick, at Planned Peasanthood. Please take time to read Rick’s first two posts in the series, Quiet on the Set – Discipline of Silence, Part I and Discipline of Silence, Part II – It’s Golden. Rick & I have “talked” extensively about this topic and felt that covering the topic of silence at the same time would provide a unique understanding of the role silence can play. Rick & I come from very different backgrounds, yet the Holy Spirit has weaved our perspectives together in a way that only He can.

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7-30-13 sshhShh! Quiet Please!

Libraries used to be quiet places to study and read with minimal distraction. Not so anymore. At least, not at my local public library. People are on computers watching videos without using earphones. Others talk on cell phones at conversational volume. Some use the library for meetings. Even patrons looking for books and the librarians shelving them talk as if they were in their living rooms.

Less and less silence exists for many people,  and seeking it out – even in places where silence used to be expected – is becoming increasingly difficult.

One of my favorite places to run is a local park with miles of trails as well as a disc golf course. When out running recently, I came upon some golfers carrying a radio with them. The sound of the radio in this natural setting was offensive to my spirit. For me, it further illustrated our culture’s avoidance of silence.

I know people who say they need the television on all day “for noise.” Others need music constantly playing, especially when alone. More and more, people seem unable to exist in quietness. And most don’t seem to think it’s a problem.

Why do people avoid silence? People avoid silence to avoid…

  • Hearing their own thoughts.
  • Their conscience.
  • Hearing the Holy Spirit.
  • Thinking about their problems.

If not for avoidance, maybe the absence of silence involves more a habit of…

  • Being entertained.
  • Laziness, apathy or idleness.
  • Letting culture dictate thoughts.
  • An undisciplined mind.
  • An uncontrolled thought life.

Or maybe a lack of silence speaks volumes about a person’s belief system. Perhaps people simply…

  • Don’t value in silence.
  • Don’t believe they need silence.
  • Think silence is scary.

Do you constantly need the television on “for noise”? Do you constantly have music playing? When was the last time you sat in silence, just thinking? Do you enjoy quiet places and spending time in quiet solitude? Consider these questions as you consider the role silence can play in a person’s life.

In our noisy culture, many fail to even realize the constant flow of noise. That is, until it’s taken away. When noise disappears, many realize they dislike silence and then proceed to do whatever they can to fill the void failing to get at the bigger question of why silence bothers them.

Our culture certainly advocates sounds and noises and busyness, all of which work against silence and quiet. Before delving into the value of silence, we must recognize that silence may not always be the best option.

When Silence Isn’t Golden7-30-13 silence

Yes, too much silence can be detrimental and can indicate a larger problem. Silence is not golden when it involves…

  1. Negative self-talk.
  2. Lack of connection.
  3. Lack of information.
  4. Unreasonable emotions.
  5. “What if” thinking.

An important aspect of mental balance and spiritual health involves interaction with people. As we live, work and play in the company of others, we  connect our thoughts in meaningful ways that fail to happen in isolation and silence.

The Need for Silence

We need balance between the noise we encounter and the silence we seek. Certainly, a completely silent and isolated existence does not create a healthy mental or spiritual state.  But our culture is not one where many people live in too much silence. In fact, too much noise often lies at the heart of many people’s lives.

And in that noise, we miss out on a crucial road to balance that only silence can provide.  We need silence to connect with our deeper selves. We need it to process our interactions and the ideas generated as we connect with others.  We need silence to process the information that comes at us constantly in our busy and noisy world. We need silence to grow as individuals.

Bob Edelstein in “The Power of Silence” says that “creative engagement with our internal processes allows us to discover more of who we are, to take in previously hidden aspects of ourselves, and to reconfigure ourselves, if we so choose. This is what allows us to be more deeply authentic in the present moment.”

In other words, we need silence to be who we were made to be and to do what we were purposed to do. The Discipline of Silence, Part II looks at the tremendous benefit that silence brings to our existence. We’ll look at scripture to discover the role silence plays in our discipleship and in our spiritual growth.

DISCUSSION: Why do you think our culture is so noisy? Why is this a problem?

How to Interact with an Introvert

She sits quietly at the table with this deep wrinkle in the middle of her forehead between her eyebrows. She doesn’t say much, but instead gazes intensely and seems to be deep in thought. About what? Who knows!

Conversations take place around her, and yet she says very little.She occasionally stands next to her husband or a close friend and participates in their conversations, but she rarely starts one of her own. She smiles and makes eye contact yet refrains from holding that glance long enough to invite a conversation. Does she even want to talk to anyone?

Perhaps you’ve seen a person like this maybe at church or even attending a business seminar. Maybe you wonder if she’s even happy to be there. Sometimes, maybe you see her reading. Really? Reading in a crowd of people?

She seems smart, yet you aren’t sure if she really wants to talk to anyone. You wonder why she doesn’t talk much. I mean, who doesn’t like to talk, right?

Should you approach her? Would she just ignore you or perhaps find an excuse to escape?

If you’ve ever crossed paths with an introvert, perhaps this description sounds familiar. Many of my extroverted friends said they wondered most of these things about me at some point. Fortunately, they now accept that I simply am not as social as them.

5 Tips For Interacting With An Introvert

The following will help extroverts feel more comfortable approaching an introvert who seems content left alone as well as better understand what’s happening behind that intense gaze.

  1. Approach them. Introverts generally want connection, especially if they put themselves in a social setting. The more you approach them, the more likely they will reciprocate in the future because they are comfortable and feel safe doing so.
  2. Let them listen. They are good at it, and they have less of a need to talk than you do. Many extroverts find that relationships with their introverted friends allow them to sort out their own thoughts in the way extroverts prefer… out loud.
  3. Let them think. Introverts typically take longer to form their responses than extroverts. Silence really is okay. Be sure to pause occasionally because after thinking for a while, introverts usually have something very valuable worth hearing.
  4. Revisit conversations. Chances are, an introvert has done some thinking since the last time you talked and has more to say on previous conversations. Go ahead and revisit what you talked about the last time you chatted.
  5. Remember that it’s all about energy. Introverts get their energy from time alone. Extroverts get their energy from interacting with others.  Neither is wrong but both impact an individual’s approach to social situations.

Introverts In The Church

In Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, Adam McHugh looks in detail at the life of an introvert and his/her place in the Christian church. What McHugh says applies really to introverts in any organization though.

The book provides advice and insight into how introverts view the world and how they can find their place in an extroverted culture. The above 5 tips were not directly taken from McHugh’s book but from this author’s life as an introvert; however, they are certainly infused within the book.

McHugh talks about how introverts feel constantly pushed to be more outgoing and to change who they are at the core to properly serve Christ. With good intentions, extroverts sometimes encourage introverts toward extroversion not realizing that this is like asking a cat to be a dog.

At their core, introverts want desperately to not just be who God created them to be and for others to embrace and support them in that endeavor. They want to be authentic, and as McHugh says,

“the central component of character is authenticity. Someone with character acts in unison with his or her God-given nature.”

These 5 tips on how to interact with an introvert will hopefully serve as a starting point for extroverts who struggle understanding their less social counterparts.

DISCUSSION: What tips, thoughts, ideas do you have for introvert/extrovert interaction?

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