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May 21, 2013

How to Strengthen Your Marriage

5-21-13 marriage heartsNot long ago, a friend struggling in her marriage asked me for advice and encouragement. Before getting to my response, I want to share the specific wording of her email to help you feel her desperation.

“I want a divorce. What is wrong with me? I don’t know why I got married. I knew from the beginning that I would never want to get divorced, so why get married? Now I am stuck in a marriage that is an absolute mess and is nothing but misery all the time, and I am so tired of all of it.”

First and foremost, I wanted to help my friend with her marriage. But in advising her on how to do that, I was able to better appreciate how my own marriage went from simply going through the motions of a commitment to being vibrant and exciting.

Tomorrow, my husband and I officially celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, and we have actually been a couple for 25 years. (On a side note, my husband’s birthday is Friday. Happy Birthday, Rex!)

When giving my friend advice, I knew that all I could really say with confidence is how God worked to save my marriage. Not only did this “process” help my husband and I struggle to victory in our marriage, it still happens regularly to keep the marriage from falling back into destruction.

  1. Decide that divorce is not an option. You just can’t even consider it. Let the frustration of no way out drive you to find a way to work it out. Ultimately, while God allows divorce in some cases, He still hates it (Malachi 2:16). We refused to let it be an option simply because it hurt God’s heart.
  2. Develop your personal relationship with Christ. You’re not your spouse’s Holy Spirit. You can’t force him/her to grow. You can only take the steps to grow yourself because you can only control you and submit to God for yourself.
  3. 5-21-13 marriageDecide to honor & respect your spouse. You may not feel your spouse deserves honor and respect, but your feelings on the matter truly don’t really matter. Scripture clearly indicates that wives are to respect their husbands and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:21-33). It is amazing how much a man is motivated by a wife who respects him. And, ladies, how do you feel when you know your husband loves you above all else except God?
  4. Devote regular time to prayer. Just “be” before God. Pour out your heart to him. Say the ugly things you’re feeling to him, so you don’t have to say them to your spouse. This does not mean you and your spouse won’t talk about anything difficult, but I find that I have far less negative to say to my spouse when I talk to God first.
  5. Do the above over and over, again and again. Keep going through this process. Eventually, you’ll reach another, higher plateau. That plateau may still feel low, but it will be higher than your previous low. Just keep going a little higher, one small step at a time.
  6. Don’t give up. Sort of related to #1 but a little different because a marriage can still legally exist even after the two individuals involved have given up. Get stubborn about saving your marriage instead of being stubborn about fighting for your own rights and needs.

My marriage is not perfect, but I can honestly say it is the best it’s ever been. We still struggle and have accepted that we will always struggle. A marriage that struggles is one that hasn’t given up. In any aspect of life, if you’re struggling, that means you’re not giving in, right?

DISCUSSION: What advice would you have given to my friend?

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May 16, 2013

Are You Living a Cruise Ship Lifestyle?

5-15-13 cruise shipInterestingly, Isaiah actually describes a cruise ship lifestyle pretty succinctly.

“Woe to those who rise early in the morning that they may pursue strong drink, who stay up late in the evening that wine may inflame them! Their banquets are accompanied by lyre and harp, by tambourine and flute, and by wine; But they do not pay attention to the deeds of the Lord, nor do they consider the work of His hands.” (5:11-12)

The pursuit of strong drink? Check. Staying up late? Check. Lots of food and music? Yep, those too. Neglect of God? Unfortunately, most likely. Isaiah’s words here seem to be describing what a cruise vacation looks like for most people.

But how does this look off a cruise ship and as more of a lifestyle? Since it would be different for every person, let me describe what it might look like in my own life.

“Distress and affliction to she who gets up in the morning to pursue strong coffee because she stayed up too late the night before watching television. Her eating habits consist of potato chips and ice cream, and she does nothing but sit around and read all day long. She fails to pay attention to what the Holy Spirit wants her to do, and she completely ignores what He directs to her mind on a regular basis. No exercise. No writing. No housework.”

Once I got rolling on how this lifestyle might look for me, I had to force myself to stop. And it was actually an eye-opening exercise in what could so easily happen in my life should I fail to constantly renew my mind in a way that allows me to live counter-culturally and according to God’s Word.

While going on a cruise does not cause a permanent downward spiral away from a productive life, doing nothing to avoid this type of lifestyle will eventually lead one.

Preventing an Unproductive Life

Vacation Brain discussed the remedy to the symptoms as being a renewing of the mind, and Understanding the Symptoms of Vacation Brain helped create awareness of the power of these symptoms to disrupt life. And while renewing the mind certainly needs to be a refocusing tool, another approach involves preventing the symptoms in the first place.

Together, refocusing and preventing can help one live a productive life on a consistent, long-term basis.

Prior to going on our cruise, my husband and I set several goals that, if achieved, would equal a successful vacation in our minds. Having goals helps prevent the cruise ship lifestyle from impacting us negatively. At the same time, working consistently toward goals help us get the most out of every aspect of our lives.

Setting goals and constantly creating an awareness of where I want to be in a certain period of time helps maintain focus. Goals provide a status check that helps prevent being sucked into our culture and away from God, something that happens by simply doing nothing to stop it from happening.

Cruises Are Not Evil

Before ending this series, I feel the need to emphasize that I do not consider cruises to be evil. I have been on two of them and thoroughly enjoyed myself both times. We’ll likely go again in the future, perhaps taking our boys next time.

In fact, I believe cruises are a great way to shut off life for a while and to completely relax with hardly a care in the world, something everyone needs to do upon occasion. They also allow for a much-needed disconnection from the fast-pace of life.

What I am saying is that existing in an atmosphere where the desires of the flesh are catered to can be a dangerous place. I am also saying that this lifestyle can be so appealing that adapting at least parts of it into real life becomes increasingly easy the more one refuses to resist culture.

Finally, I am also saying that one can adapt a cruise ship lifestyle without ever stepping foot on a boat. Our culture, on land or at sea, caters to the desires of the flesh. And if we do nothing to prevent it, those desires will become our focus and will end up seriously derailing us spiritually, mentally and physically.

DISCUSSION: What additional thoughts do you have on preventing and remedying the impact of culture?

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May 7, 2013

Are You Willing to Not Fit In?

When I was in grade school, I never felt like I fit in. That feeling followed me into my teen and adult years. I’d love to say this problem no longer exists now that I’ve hit mid-life, that I am now secure enough in who Christ made me to be that the desire to fit in no longer plagues me. That would be a lie.

Certainly, I am more confident, but the desire to fit in still lingers and often rears its ugly head in social situations.

Over the years, I did adapt to not fitting in. At some point, I even began to seek out ways to emphasize that aspect that seemed to define me. If others are doing something, I look for ways to avoid doing exactly the same thing. From clothing and accessories to exercise and eating to social interaction, something inside me now purposes to go against the flow, even if only slightly, of what the majority does.

5-7-13 be transformed 1

Both Right and Wrong

In 1 Corinthians 9:22, Paul says that “To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.” In other words, he tried to find common ground with people in order to bring them to Christ. Of course, this does not mean sinning, but it does mean getting involved in people’s lives and being authentic with them.

So, in the sense that my going against the flow sometimes causes disconnection with people I could influence, I am wrong in my approach. In fact, doing so has led to missing out on some significant witnessing opportunities. For that, I truly am sorry.

On the other hand, John 15:18-27 clearly indicates that to a great extent, Christ followers won’t fit in with the culture surrounding them. In other words, we must be in the world but not of the world (Romans 12:2). Jesus certainly set the example for us in this area by spending time with and ministering to those who needed Him most and who were often social outcasts, but He did not let them change Him.

When my intentions fall into the realm of wanting to remain separate from the material and fleshly focuses of the world, my approach to not conform and follow the crowd then seems wise.

Resist the Call of the World

5-7-13 be transformed 2

Perhaps both of these approaches need to exist. Maybe both looking for commonalities and connections need to exist alongside being an outsider. In my quest to find that balance, I realize that the outsider status must still dominate; otherwise, my impact as I connect and care becomes less effective.

Let’s look deeper at John 15:18-27 to hopefully understand the importance of an outsider status.

Being an outsider, feeling like you don’t fit in with the crowd (culture), can indicate progress towards becoming more Christ-like (v 18). Realizing that Christ chose you to be an outsider can keep feelings of rejection and aloofness from affecting your walk with Him (v 19).

What’s more, knowing that people aren’t really rejecting you but are actually reacting to their fear of the unknown creates a motivational steadfastness to perhaps amplify your outsider status (vv 20-21). You see, knowing Jesus creates a responsibility that so many people want to avoid because it means increasingly living as an outsider.

Knowing Jesus can mean breaking the death grip that the need to belong and be accepted by the world has. But a dying to self must happen, and this scares people. So, many instead choose to succumb to the call of the world and seek to eliminate any feeling of an outsider status (v 22).

Even with evidence of a better way, hate of Christ’s ways exists without any real cause except a desire to avoid the truth of Christ (vv 23-25).

Outsider Victory

God’s Holy Spirit reveals truth that reveals Jesus (v 26). As His Spirit dwells within us, our outsider status feels more and more like home, like a place of safety, peace and joy. And in that, we discover the courage to bravely tell others about the Jesus who welcomes outsiders. In other words, we become better able to care and connect in an authentic way.

DISCUSSION: What else does scripture say about how Christ followers must interact and exist in the world?

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May 2, 2013

Thoughts About Balance

4-18-13 balance

Lack of muscle balance can lead to injury.

Lack of balanced vitamins and minerals in the body, whether through inability to absorb or poor diet, can lead to a host of health struggles mentally and physically.

Your body’s ability to balance hormones and blood sugar relates to a balanced, healthy diet.

A balanced, healthy diet leads to a balanced, healthy mind & body.

We need balance between rest and labor.

Balance is relative.

We get into trouble when we compare the balance we need to that of others.

Age plays a factor in ability to balance.

4-18-13 law vs grace

Age also changes what we need and don’t need for balance.

Sometimes, like in sickness and stressful situations, we must operate in an out-of-balance state.

Law must be balanced with grace.

Balance does not mean equal.

The scales must be accurate in order for balance to happen.

Lack of balance can cause anxiety.

Anxiety can cause an unbalanced perspective.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:25-34)

4-18-13 wisdom

Anxiety is an out-of-balance state.

To be anxious means to be “full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune.” It also means to be “greatly worried.”

Perhaps a balanced view of balance means getting and applying wisdom to our lives.

Balance comes through seeking His kingdom and righteousness above all else.

DICUSSION: What are your thoughts about balance? 

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April 16, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part V

Now that I am more aware of the role boredom plays in my faith (Part I & Part IV) as well as alerted to the pinholes of lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons (Part III) that have led to a flat faith, I can get back on track to living and experiencing a vibrant and alive faith.

My Boredom Battle Plan

God has promised to continue the good work He has started in me until the day when Christ Jesus returns (Philippians 1:6). Trusting on that promise, I move forward in the battle plan the Holy Spirit has laid out as the path for that good work.

  1. 4-16-13 wavesFind variety in sameness. The wind and the waves appear to exist in monotony, yet they are not boring. Instead, they are obediently beautiful (Matthew 8:27). While my life’s routine needs to exist for a reason, I must realize that there is usually more than one way to accomplish a task.
  2. Connect more. The two greatest commandments are to love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-40). Connecting allows me increased opportunity to live love and to practice that which the Holy Spirit teaches me in times of solitude.
  3. Find ways to just be. Constantly occupying my mind distracts me from hearing the still small voice of God. In Fed Up with Flat Faith, Kathy Howard writes that “only the Holy Spirit can transform our faith, but we can obediently position ourselves to be in the center of His activity.” When I find ways to just be, I find that often places me where He is active.
  4. Regularly evaluate my habits. In Fed Up with Flat Faith, Kathy also talks about Eli the priest and how “his habit of faith got in the way.” This is contrasted with Samuel who grew “in stature and favor with God and man” (1 Samuel 2:26) and who “enjoyed a full, dynamic relationship with God.” As I am still before God, He will transform me by correcting bad habits, establishing new ones, and confirming what to continue.
  5. Gather tinder. Do you regularly remember your past experiences with God along with times you witnessed His glory?  Kathy calls doing so “gathering tinder” to fuel the fire of our faith. Kathy reminds us that if we are children of God, “His presence is not based on our feelings, but on His promises.” So, no matter how I feel, even when boredom becomes intense, I can know that He promises to always be with me (Matthew 28:20). As I deliberately review God’s presence in my life, I can dwell in the memories of His ever-abiding presence.

4-16-13 Flat FaithAn Eternal Perspective

As I went through my battle with boredom and my struggle with flat faith, another unexpected change took place within me. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, my perspective began to change. What once was more of focus on the here and now has turned toward more of an eternal focus.

Kathy also talks about how “living with an eternal perspective can generate an excitement and passion your faith has been missing.” As we remember who gave us our resources and as we use periodic self-evaluation to foster an eternal perspective, we can discover a “consistent eternal perspective” that leads us to “fulfillment and excitement in the things that last beyond the physical.”

A key element to maintaining and increasing an eternal perspective lies with obedience. Kathy notes that “obedience keeps the lines of communication open and fosters our dependence on God. Disobedience builds walls and cultivates stubborn independence from God.”

As I learn obedience and as the Holy Spirit fosters an eternal perspective in me, my faith will grow to be healthy and vibrant. This journey has developed a desire in me to leave, as Kathy puts it so well, my “safe faith” my “flat and dry” faith behind and to have it replaced with a “risky faith – a faith that yields all to God,” a faith that is “ready to burn.”

Thank you for taking this journey with me through my battle with boredom and struggle with flat faith. The Holy Spirit has certainly led me through the exact journey I needed to take. I pray the same happened for you!

DISCUSSION: How is the Holy Spirit working in your life to create “a faith that yields all to God”?

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, quotes are taken from Fed Up with Flat Faith by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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April 11, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part IV

4-11-13 path 2My propensity for boredom exists as a built-in barometer for many areas of my life, including my faith. When boredom starts to abide, especially within relationships or church or studying, I know that some area of my life is misaligned.

Sometimes, though, I get so wrapped up in feelings of boredom or depression or whatever and fail to realize that I am off track. That’s usually when the Holy Spirit steps up His game to get my attention. This happened recently during a significant battle with boredom (Part I) that ended up being an indication of a flat faith caused by lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons (Part III).

The Path to a Plan

When I thought of examples of boredom in scripture, David came to mind. One reason I think David was led to pursue Bathsheba was boredom. He wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He couldn’t sleep. He seemed restless and bored in the middle of the night with no late night television to distract him. (See 2 Samuel 11.)

Thinking about David’s boredom along with my own, four realizations came to mind.4-11-13 path 1

  1. Boredom can be from selfishness. Though God desires for us to enjoy life, the enjoyment of life is not to be our primary concern. The kingdom of God, not our own lives, is to be our main concern (Matthew 6:31-34). But when we focus on enjoying life, self gratification becomes the focus instead, the attainment of which is impossible.
  2. Boredom can lead to sin. Idleness, which often happens when we are bored, can lead to wrong choices, including sowing discord (creating disunity) among others (1 Timothy 5:13). In other words, boredom can be infectious if it’s caused by someone not doing what he is supposed to be doing. The result? Drama and sinful choices.
  3. Boredom leads to discontentment. Learning contentment is the key to curing boredom. How do we learn contentment? Rely on God’s strength, which he gives generously to lead us to a place where we aren’t disquieted and disturbed (Philippians 4:11).
  4. Boredom can be used by the Holy Spirit. Had David questioned why he was restless, perhaps he could have corrected the behavior that led to his restlessness. David did not lack resources, nor did he lack things to do. He simply lost his focus. I know when I lose my focus, the Holy Spirit uses boredom (restlessness) to get me back on track.

“At a time when kings go to battle,” King David stayed home. As a result, he discovered himself in a place of boredom that led to discontentment and sin. What might David’s story be like had he been executing his battle plan as was expected of the king?

4-11-13 Flat FaithA New Perspective

I used to believe avoiding boredom was all about simply having something to do, with occupying myself. I even insist that my kids occupy themselves regularly. Through this journey, I’ve realized that boredom is directly related to contentment.

Contentment involves being able to just be without having to work on a “to do” item. It’s about connecting with Christ, with my family, with friends and even with people I don’t know. Contentment is about cultivating relationship.

Contentment means I don’t have to constantly evaluate my day and only count it as successful if tangible items were accomplished. It’s about realizing that sometimes the best way to manage my time is by doing nothing except just being with Jesus.

Contentment means staying attached to the vine (John 15:5). As Kathy Howard says in “Fed Up with Flat Faith,” contentment comes “when we maintain an intimate relationship with Jesus” because “He will guide us to the works He has planned for us and empower us to do them.”

This journey through my battle with boredom is almost complete. Part V lays out a battle plan that will allow me to move forward in victory having defeated my boredom caused by lack of connection and a focus on comparisons. Thank you for sticking with me!

DISCUSSION: What other Bible stories relate to this series on Battling Boredom that we have not yet covered?

Note: Unless otherwise noted, all quotes are taken from Fed Up with Flat Faith by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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April 9, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part III

4-9-13 Flat tire

The presence of boredom in my life (Part I) led me to realize that my faith was flat and that the root causes were lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons. While my faith appeared vibrant and alive on the outside, I did not feel that way on the inside. I had pinhole leaks in my faith.

Think of how a tire goes flat most of the time. Usually, a pinhole leak rather than a huge gash leads to a flat tire. Lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons created two pinhole leaks that led to my flat faith. Without these leaks, my faith might not just appear vibrant and full but I might actually feel that way on the inside too.

Constant Comparisons

Humor. Clothing. Jewelry. Work. Exercise. Health. Diet.

Prayer. Bible study. Church activity. Worship.

All areas of constant comparison. What’s better? What’s worse? Who’s right? Who’s wrong?

Then came frustration. Frustration over people not doing what I think they should do and not growing and adapting and changing like I think they should. Complicated lives that, following my plan, could be simpler.

I constantly saw what I thought were Martha types forgetting to be like Mary.

Up until recently, I never viewed myself as a Martha. Actually, I felt out of place in what I viewed as a Martha-dominant culture. But then I realized that my focus on comparisons revealed Martha-like thinking that distracted me from focusing on Jesus.

Martha-Like Thinking4-9-13 Flat Faith

While the story of Jesus visiting Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-41) is familiar to me, I only recently read it while trying to understand Martha’s thought process. Doing so helped me identify my own Martha-like thinking that produced…

  • Worry about the task at hand, even with tasks I usually enjoyed.
  • Concern over what others are or are not doing based on what I think they should be doing.
  • Feelings of unfairness based on what others are being allowed to get away with.
  • Stress from worrying about details.
  • Missing out on what’s truly important, namely connection with Jesus and with others.

This Martha-like thinking arose whenever I focused on comparisons. It happened with my kids, my church family, my husband and my extended family. It happened with people I barely knew and even with people I did not know at all. In fact, I often made comparisons based on knowing nothing about a situation and based solely on assumptions. My perception, when focused on comparisons, became extremely distorted.

Not only did my perception of others become distorted, my perception of myself also became distorted. And this distorted perception created a major distraction from my just being with Jesus.

4-9-13 doing over beingBeing Over Doing

In “Fed Up With Flat Faith,” Kathy Howard talks about Martha’s flat faith resulting from her focus on doing over being. Kathy notes how Martha’s “serving distracted her from enjoying Christ’s presence. Martha was too busy to spend time fostering intimacy with Christ.”

Martha’s thought process and her comparison of what she was doing based on what Mary was doing and what she thought Mary should be doing distracted her from just being with Jesus. That’s exactly what happens when my thought processes get Martha-like.

The church in Ephesus suffered from Martha-like thinking too when, as Kathy points out, they got to a point when “their works supplanted their love for Jesus” (Revelation 2:2-5). In other words, they got focused on doing over being.

In my own focus on doing over being, my faith became deflated. I actually remember a time when I could just be and appreciate others where they were. I could sit, reflect and let the Holy Spirit speak to me. That’s also when I experienced tremendous spiritual growth. Odd to think that I grew the most the less I did.

Part IV takes a closer look at the role boredom can play in our lives, and Part V details the Holy Spirit’s plan for fixing the pinholes. I’m excited to share the rest of this journey with you.

DISCUSSION: How does evaluating others get in the way of your vibrant, full faith?

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, all direct quotes are taken from “Flat Faith” by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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April 4, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part II

When I first realized that my battle with boredom was really a struggle with a flat faith (Part I), my game plan changed. Instead of thinking I needed to simply change my routine, I realized I needed to address some heart issues. Those issues revolve around connection and comparisons (Part III).

Flat Faith and Connection4-4-13 Flat Faith

In “Flat Faith,” Kathy Howard says that “what we fail to realize is that our reluctance to seek help will keep us right where we are.”

Kathy also points out that “our culture does not hold up dependence, submission, and subordination as ideals to attain. In fact, the opposite attitudes reign supreme. Independence, self-gratification, and me first are king!”

For several years now, I have touted myself as being a “loner.” What I’ve come to realize is that my pride in being a loner was really a mask for avoiding dependence. I wanted to appear independent and in control of my life. In other words, the ideals of our culture had gotten into my spirit and negatively affected my attitude. And one thing our culture does well is breed discontentment.

My approach to living revolved around independence, and that clearly does not reflect God’s heart.

“But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ And the head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!’” (1 Corinthians 12:18-21)

A focus on self-sufficiency and independence definitely do not promote the inter-dependency that the Bible clearly teaches. Discontentment grew for me because my thoughts were fixed on appearing in control and being independent rather than on existing and connecting as a part of the body of Christ.

Like Kathy, I identified with Nicodemus who was “trying to do all the right things” but still felt “disconnected from God.” Unfortunately, this keeping up of appearances really plays into Satan’s hands, since he “loves to trip us up with pride.”

Since, as Kathy says, “God designed the body of Christ to encourage and build one another up,” I realized that I needed to depend on Him to create the relationships and interactions He knew I needed. That’s not happening when I keep to myself 80% of the time.

The reality, as Kathy puts it, is that “your full and complete spiritual growth and maturity depends on other members of the body obeying God. And their growth and maturity depends on yours.”

No wonder I was discontent. I was missing out on much of what God intended to play a part in my spiritual growth, interaction with other believers. And that interaction needed to go beyond weekly church services.

4-4-13 ConnectedThe Role of Accountability

For almost a year now, I have been meeting regularly with an accountability partner. In addition to meeting face-to-face, we also continue our discussions between meetings via email and text. This relationship provides an avenue for practicing transparency and for connecting over how God works in our lives. God used this relationship to bring me to a place that allows me to be transparent in my struggles with flat faith.

This accountability relationship helped me learn the value of connection, and I now more fully understand that limiting my connection with others to an extreme is partially to blame for the boredom I am experiencing.

As Kathy puts it, I need to truly embrace the “symbiotic relationship with other believers to become all God wants [me] to be and to receive everything God wants to give [me].” While I knew the importance of connection, I failed to fully embrace it. The result? Loneliness and a flat faith.

Thank you for continuing on this journey. The next leg, Part III, focuses on the role that comparisons have played in causing my flat faith. Part IV focuses more on the role of boredom, and Part V details my Boredom Battle Plan.

DISCUSSION: What role does connection play in your faith?

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, all direct quotes are taken from “Flat Faith” by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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April 2, 2013

Battling Boredom: My Struggle with a Flat Faith – Part I

Battling Boredom4-2-13 Bored

Every Saturday when we don’t have plans, my 12-year-old wanders. Without the structure of school, he gets bored very easily. He jumps from one meaningless activity to another. Please don’t think me a bad mother, but I let him know I am not his entertainment director and to “find something to do.”

My oldest son occupies himself easily, probably because he was an only child for 11 years. My husband doesn’t struggle with boredom either. Not only can they always find something to do, but they can have the same, basic routine for years on end without getting bored.

So where do I fit in all of this? I’d like to say I’m somewhere in the middle and that I provide the balance between the two extremes. I’m not, and I don’t.

Like my youngest, I too get bored easily. And if I’m brutally honest with myself, I will admit that this is the real reason my son’s boredom drives me crazy at times. He gives me an all-to-real visual of what I’m feeling on the inside.

While I don’t wander when I’m bored, well not every time, and I don’t usually bounce from one task to the next, I do struggle with sameness. The same routine. The same clothes. Same hairstyle. Same food. Day in and day out sameness. My day scripted. Little variety. Boredom.

I said all this to say that I have a propensity for boredom. It’s just a part of my personality that I must constantly keep in check. I have learned that when boredom shows up, I need to address it quickly before it grows into something more serious.

Which is what I failed to do over the past three months.

Lately, church, Bible study, fellowship, relationships, you name it, have become monotonous to me. I have this general feeling of boredom with life that I can’t shake. I feel stuck.

Boredom has intensified to the point that I know a more serious issue is at play. This is about something going on, or not going on, in my heart.

4-2-13 Flat FaithStruggling with Flat Faith

I’m not stuck in the motions of religion because church and the people I spend time with are boring. Couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, I would be hitting this wall of boredom no matter where I attended church and no matter whom I spent time with because the problem is in my heart not my church or other people.

I’m not bored from a lack of stuff to do either. I’m a mom of two junior high boys and a work-at-home writer with a husband who travels often for work. I have stuff to do.

In “Fed Up With Flat Faith,” Kathy Howard explains that “many Christians with flat faith love Jesus and continue to serve Him, but they often feel as though they are simply going through the motions of Christianity. Their love for Christ is short on passion.”

When I read that description, I knew that my boredom was really indicating a flat faith. I realized that I was going through the motions and that I definitely lacked passion in my faith.

Kathy also talks about how a flat faith “derails God’s purpose for our lives” and that “we don’t have to settle for flat, dry faith.” I certainly felt derailed, and I was definitely settling and desperately didn’t want to be.

This series is a journey through the elements that appear to be the root cause of my flat faith, lack of connection (Part II) and a focus on comparisons (Part III). Part IV focuses more on boredom, and Part V details my Boredom Battle Plan. The Holy Spirit will guide me on this journey. Kathy will be along as well. Will you take the journey with us too?

DISCUSSION: What is a telltale sign for you that some spiritual adjustments are necessary?

Note: Unless otherwise indicated, all direct quotes are taken from “Flat Faith” by Kathy Howard. Also, be sure to heck out Kathy’s guest posts Flat Spots Here and There – Part I and Flat Spots Here and There – Part II.

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March 26, 2013

What Have You Been Missing?

3-26-13 the end

Wait Until the Lights Come On

Movie watchers typically stop watching a movie as soon as the credits start to roll. Yet, my family and I have learned to wait until the lights come on in the theatre before getting up to leave.

After the credits for The Avengers and each related movie (Captain America, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, and Thor) there’s an extra clip that shows further connections among the movies. Of course, turning off the movie or leaving the theatre before the credits finish means missing the extra.

(You’ll find “extras” at the end of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and The Amazing Spider-Man too.)

Waiting out the credits, and in some cases just part of them, involves persistence. Even if you fast forward through them, like we do at home, getting to the extra clip still takes time. Yet, persistence pays off in giving a preview of a coming sequel or a connection you might have otherwise missed.

Faithful Persistence

This idea of persistence, waiting through the monotony, translates well into our spiritual lives. Let’s look at a few examples.

Elijah showed persistence when he prayed for rain in 1 Kings 18:41-46.  Rain did not come after his first prayer, or his second one, or even the third. Elijah prayed 7 times before rain came. What if Elijah had stopped praying before the 7th time?

Jesus gives another example, recorded in Luke 18:1-8, of the importance of persistence.  He tells of a persistent widow and her requests to a corrupt judge. The judge eventually gave her what she wanted to get her to stop bugging him. Jesus ends his story by asking a rather disturbing question. “How much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?”

What Have I Been Missing?

These stories stir in me a rather bothersome question. “What am I missing because I lack persistence in my prayers?”

I’m equally bothered by the question, “Will Jesus find persistent faith in me when He returns?”

Don’t lose heart.

As I attempt to answer these questions, I stare a very real truth in the faith. I have often given up too soon. I have gotten discouraged and lost heart. I have often lacked persistence in my prayers as well as in my waiting for God to move.

Jesus’ reason behind telling the persistent widow story is explained before the story even begins.

“Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lost heart.” (Luke 18:1)

In other words, don’t give up. Don’t get discouraged. This was the purpose of Jesus telling the parable of the persistent woman, and I suspect that this is a reason behind the story about Elijah too.

Amplifying Persistence

Unlike with movies, I can’t rewind my life and see what I missed. I can’t go back and play through the credits again. But I can be more persistent now. I can push through in faith in my current circumstances.

I can seek His will and then ask according to His Name. I can believe that He will answer based on that will. Then, I can live in the confidence that only comes from trusting in Him.

And at the same time, I must realize that my ability to know His will and to believe in faith that He will answer comes from Him. Without Him giving me the ability to be persistent, I’ll continue to miss out because I’ll continue to leave before the lights come on.

DISCUSSION: How do you see persistence playing out in the life of a Christ follower?

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