How to Maintain Balance
June 26, 2014
As I consider the times I’ve found myself out of balance, which is more than I like to admit, I realize that I only become imbalanced when I fail to adjust. When I neglect making adjustments as my life changes and as struggles arise, I lose my balance and fall over.
The answer, then, to how to maintain balance, involves making constant adjustments, to continually finding a new normal as circumstances change with the seasons of life. This requires honesty with yourself along with humility to admit the need to adjust. As we learn to live in this constant state of adjustment, which is really what balance is all about, we’ll find that we continually improve in our ability to balance.
Adjusting for Balance
Making the following adjustments on a regular basis helps me stay consistently balanced. That doesn’t necessarily mean I am always balanced… but I certainly live there more frequently the more I consistently practice these habits:
Slow but don’t stop. Refuse to give up and quit. Take time to slow down and rest if necessary, but keep moving forward.- Maintain focus. Establish core values and align focus daily.
- Be a team player. Don’t attempt balance alone. Have regular accountability.
- Evaluate regularly. From work commitments to relationships, make sure priorities stay properly ordered.
- Find ways to simplify. Life is chaotic enough on its own; refuse to add complication.
- Be yourself. Balance and simplicity are unique to the individual. Find your balance. Find your simple. Find your normal.
- Know yourself. Find your niche, not someone else’s. Dan Erickson’s post “why you can’t have what your neighbor has” can help shed light on this idea.
- Avoid comparisons. I can always find someone better and worse at balance, but neither does anything to help me stay balanced.
All too often, I go from simply trying to balance the various elements in my life to juggling them. Trying to balance and juggle at the same time is hard; in fact, I can’t do it. Can you? Yet all too often that’s exactly where we live. It’s a place where I’m not just trying to keep my life balanced, but I’m also tossing appointments and commitments and projects and people around like juggling balls. In this place, I’m losing the strength and ability, the margin I need, to adjust for consistent balance.
But when I continually adjust for balance, I’m better able to discover and live a harmonious life. And in that harmony exists the margin of peace amidst chaos. Try it… I know you’ll like it there.
DISCUSSION: How do you adjust for balance? If you feel like a circus act both juggling and balancing, what can you change to move toward less chaos?
Recently, Bill Grandi at Cycle Guy’s Spin ran a series called Second Chances. In it, I wrote about my struggle with depression. Through a series of questions and emails, Bill asked if I would consider writing more about my struggle and how I (with God’s help) overcame it. He sent me some questions, and we decided to run it as sort of an interview. Due to length, it is divided into five conversations. Here’s the link to the first one and the second one. The third will come next week.
A Biblical View of Balance
June 24, 2014
Borrowing from two disciplines, wine making and fine arts, let’s define balance in a way that helps better understand what exactly we’re working toward.
In wine making, balance means the degree to which all the attributes of a wine are in harmony, with none either too prominent or deficient.
In fine arts, balance involves the composition or placement of elements of design (figures, forms, colors, etc.) in such a manner as to produce an aesthetically pleasing or harmoniously integrated whole.
Taking those two ideas and sort of combining them gives us the idea that balance involves harmony achieved when each part of the whole holds its proper amount, and all the elements work to create a harmonious state.
Harmony… that sums up the idea of balance well, doesn’t it? Especially when we consider harmony within and its relation to our outer state.
The Bible on Balance
While the Bible may not speak to every, specific life situation, I do believe a biblical principle exists to apply to every detail of life.
With that, let’s look at what Scripture tells us about balance. Without God’s Word and His Holy Spirit guiding, my struggles remain just struggles, and victory stays well out of my reach.
Scripture tells us that…
- Balance involves timing. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
- Trusting God brings balance. (Matthew 6:31-34)
- God’s Word helps us adjust to maintain balance. (2 Peter 3:17)
- Our thoughts impact our ability to balance. (Philippians 4:8-9)
- Money & “things” can easily disrupt our balance. (Hebrews 13:5-6)
- We can receive peace and courage from God to help us maintain balance. (John 16:31-33)
- Balance involves avoiding what is too distracting for you. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
- Keeping worries and cares to ourselves creates imbalance. (1 Peter 5:6-7)
- Being purposeful about rest has a tremendous impact on our ability to stay balanced. (Mark 6:30-31 & Genesis 2:2-4)
- Thinking first and seeking God’s will to help us adjust makes all the difference in maintaining balance. (Ephesians 5:15-17)
We know God is the author of peace, not of chaos (1 Corinthians 14:33). And we know Jesus came to restore peace (Romans 5:1). Knowing these truths tells me He desires us to live in balance, to have harmony and peace in our lives. In fact, He wants it so much that He provides the way for that to happen.
Doesn’t mean life will be perfect, but it does mean we can have peace, harmony and balance even when living in the chaos and imbalance of this world.
DISCUSSION: How does Scripture help you keep striving toward balance & harmony?
The Role of Commitments in Balance
June 19, 2014
OVER-Commitment & OVER-whelm
When I look around at my too-busy friends, I think to myself, “Never again. I don’t want to go back there.” That “there,” is an OVER-loaded, OVER-whelmed and OVER-committed life. It’s feeling constantly tired, behind schedule and often simply inadequate. I was “there” once to the point of crash and burn, and I swore I’d never even get close to be that OVER again.
Yet, I do. Get close, that is. Far too close. I somehow let myself get OVER-committed all too easily, leading to OVER-whelm. My focus then gravitates to a to-do list and away from relationships. Projects become more important than people.
Yes, all to often, I find myself “there,” and asking, “How did I get here… again? How did I once again get so out of balance by becoming again OVER-committed and OVER-whelmed yet again?”
The Heart of Commitments
The heart of making commitments involves doing what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it, right? Making a commitment involves pledging or promising, obligating yourself, to someone or something. When you commit, you bind yourself; you promise you’re going to do something, usually under a reasonable time frame.
But OVER-commitment leads to broken promises and missed deadlines. It leads to disappointment and letting others down and perhaps even to low self-esteem with the realization of failure to keep promises.
Commitment Trends
Approaches to commitments seem to be following one of three trends these days. Many people just don’t fully make commitments anymore; instead, they contribute but can’t be fully counted on regularly. Others OVER-commit and see no problem with not meeting commitments or just partially meeting most commitments. Do you fall into either of these trends?
Another trend involves feeling trapped in OVER-commitment. This involves basically keeping commitments but often missing deadlines and never having the time for anything anywhere near excellence but instead settling too often for “good enough.”
Feeling trapped in OVER-commitment, often accompanied by its cousin OVER-whelm, involves a high level of stress from the never-ending to do list and the complete lack of any time to truly rest. Letting go of commitments seems impossible because doing so involves letting others down, saying the word “no.” At the same time, the pace of OVER-commitment is simply too much to sustain.
How do commitments impact balance?
Commitments provide one gauge of the existence or absence of balance in our lives. Too few commitments results in boredom and idleness, maybe even feelings of insignificance and unimportance, while too many commitments result in lack of consistency and settling for less than your best. Both extremes lack balance, both fail in effectiveness.
Instead, perhaps an approach to commitments with the goal of effectiveness may be what we need to reach and maintain balance. When I find myself “there” – in an out-of-balance state – that stressful place of OVER-whelm again, my focus is more on efficiency instead of effectiveness. In other words, I’m looking to accomplish as much as I can as quickly as I can and not looking much at whether I’m doing what’s most important. I’m not considering what activity makes my life the most effective.
Moving from Efficient to Effective
Somehow, focusing on effectiveness, on how my time is best spent rather than on how much can I get done, keeps OVER-commitment and OVER-whelm at bay. But how do we know the best way to spend our time?
The answer to that question, my friends, is truly at the heart of living a life of effective commitments that lead to balance. How do you think a person can move from a focus on mere efficiency to one of effectiveness?
Let’s figure this out together and help each other keep from going “there” again… to that place of OVER-commitment and OVER-whelm. I don’t much like it there.
The Role of Simplicity in Balance
June 17, 2014
Are You a Circus Act?
Ever watched one of those circus-type shows where entertainers attempt to stay balanced while gradually adding items to be balanced? These professionals balance people on people carrying a variety of items from plates to balls to flaming sticks. They’re focused on balancing more items than any normal person can balance, and all their focus goes toward keeping those items balanced.
Unfortunately, too many of us live like circus entertainers focused on balancing, except we’re not making any money for the show we’re putting on for our friends, family and coworkers. We’re balancing – or at least attempting to – an amazing amount, but that’s all we’re pretty much able to focus on… balancing.
When focused only on balancing, we’re often unable to consider the quality of our balancing act… how much we’re dropping. Simplicity allows for better balance in that it allows us to put our focus on quality over quantity, to balance well will less drops.
What is Simplicity?
Simplicity is freedom from complexity, intricacy or division into parts. It’s the absence of luxury, pretentiousness, ornament, etc.
Simple means easy to understand, deal with, use, etc. Simple means not elaborate or artificial, not ornate or luxurious.
Simplicity looks very different from one person to another. Ask 10 people what simplicity, simple, intricacy, luxury, ornament, etc. mean to them, and you’ll likely get 10 very different answers.
Simplicity’s Role in Balance
We can get ideas, guidance, inspiration and direction from each other with regard to simplicity, but every one of us must individually discover what it looks like for us. And regardless of how simplicity looks in any individual’s life, it plays an important role in a balanced life for every person.
In my own journey toward a balanced life, simplicity plays a tremendous role in creating depth and quality in every area of life from relationships to work. But I find I can only go deeper when I take the time to simplify myself first as an individual.
Simplifying myself involves the following 5 areas:
- What I think about… where I allow my thoughts to dwell.
- The words I speak… listen more and talk less.
- Appearance… comfortable but respectful.
- Focus… God. Family. Work. (In that order.)
- Commitments… not spread thin and having ample margin.
When I begin to feel overwhelmed and stop to consider why, the Holy Spirit without fail goes to one or more of these areas and says, “Simplify.”
DISCUSSION: How does simplicity exist in your life? What does simplicity mean for you?
The Role of Accountability in Balance
June 12, 2014
For over 20 years, running partners made sure I regularly completed the miles needed for my goals. In recent years, I meet with a Godly woman from church for Biblical accountability. In writing, accountability comes through my critique partner as well as through Godly people I interact with online. And of course, my spouse provides accountability like no other person in my life.
What is Accountability?
Being accountable means being responsible & answerable. Accountability means not simply acting according to feelings, wants and desires but basing actions on what we believe is honorable and truthful.
Accountability keeps us from hurting ourselves and others by making us liable, responsible and answerable for our actions or lack of action. Without accountability, the door remains open for saying and doing just about anything we want.
Accountability and Balance
Accountability to God and to other Christians exists as a Biblical principle (see Galatians 6:1-5, Luke 17:3, James 5:16, Romans 14:12 & Hebrews 4:13.) It also serves to strengthen us in ways we could not discover on our own.
But how does accountability help specifically with balance?
Accountability provides a source of wisdom for the adjustments needed to maintain balance and keep from toppling over under the pressure and stress of our overloaded and drama-filled lives. Simply put, allowing accountability to function properly makes balance easier to maintain. When I neglect and/or ignore accountability, my life quickly becomes unstable.
Accountability helps maintain balance because it…
- Encourages us. (1 Thessalonians 5:11) Accountability helps us know what we’re doing right and gives direction for decisions. It also helps us know we’re not alone in our struggles.
- Improves us. (Proverbs 17:17) We need others to alert us to improvements as well as how to go about making them. Attempting to stay balanced alone just isn’t possible because we simply cannot accurately see everything about ourselves.
- Makes us think about our words. The Bible says we’ll be held accountable for every idle word we speak (Matthew 12:36-37). Accountability forces us to not only think about what we say but also about what influences exist at the heart of our words.
- Builds trust. (Luke 16:10-12) Letting Godly people speak into our lives exercises humbleness. It practices our willingness to open ourselves up to necessary change, and this stretches us in a way that allows for bigger responsibility as we gain a reputation for honesty and transparency.
- Realigns us when we mess up. (1 John 2:1-29 & James 5:16) We’re expected to mess up. That’s part of life this side of Heaven. So, the real test of solid character shows with how a person reacts after messing up. A willingness to be reshaped by the Godly wisdom of another goes a long way in getting back on track after making mistakes.
Establishing Accountability
Accountability only comes when we deliberately pursue it. This happens by being…
- Open to it. This means not being defensive and instead being teachable. Accountability requires humbleness.
- Transparent & honest. I need to share my weaknesses and struggles in order for another to truly be able to help me. The protective bubble surrounding my ego has to go.
- Willing to receive it. Too many times, I’ve appeared open to accountability and then proceeded to ignore all wisdom coming my way. Be willing to apply and adjust using the wisdom gained through accountability.
Before I can be someone to whom another becomes accountable, I must make sure I am first willing to be accountable to another person. This in itself is another aspect of balance that accountability brings into a person’s life.
I wish I could say that I’ve always had this level of accountability in my life, but that would be a lie. Because I’ve been on the other end of the extreme, living a life completely absent of accountability, I can say with certainty that it is a necessity for maintaining a balanced life.
DISCUSSION: What role does accountability play in helping you maintain balance? If you’re out of balance, how can accountability help you find balance again?
Loren Pinilis at Life of a Steward offers additional insight into the topic of accountability in his recent post “The Key to Making Accountability Work.”
Definitely worth taking the time to read!
Following a Core Value to Establish Balance
June 10, 2014
This statement “God. Family. Work. (In that order)” exists as the first stated core value for the company where my husband has worked for the past 22 years. Armstrong International encourages employees to honor God as their top priority, to establish and maintain a strong family life, and to work hard and do their best in their jobs. But their jobs come third.
The Armstrong family knows a strong business comes from employees with balanced lives, especially within core relationships. And this emphasis is likely why the company continues full steam ahead after 110 years.
Armstrong’s emphasis on God first, family second and work third creates a solid foundation for establishing and maintaining balance in life.
God First
Relationship with God creates a solid foundation for a balanced life. This core strength creates a stability out of which meaningful relationships with others can flow. Without relationship with the Father, you might as well give up on a balanced life because He is the scale providing accurate measure for balancing all areas of life.
Relationship with Christ through Holy Spirit fellowship and time in God’s Word makes truth the foundation on which a person can build a consistently stable life. The quality of every other area of life directly flows out of this relationship.
As we are obedient to the greatest commandments…love God above all and love others as self (Matthew 22:36-4)… we discover that balance not only happens consistently but even exists amidst chaos.
Family Second
Our relationships, especially with those closest to us, provide an outflow for the abundant love of Christ. In other words, relationship with Him makes relationship with others exist naturally. We can’t help but share His love.
Relationships provide input into our lives regarding balance. As we consider the quality of the connections we have with those closest to us, we know where to focus for more effectively living the love of Christ. At the same time, our close relationships also challenge our balance and ultimately strengthen us as we make the adjustments necessary for maintaining balance.
In fact, when making decisions about how to balance by…
- Simplifying
- Choosing to say “no” to good things to be able to say “yes” to better and best
- Limiting commitments
…relationships provide a solid guide for specific choices.
Almost always, choosing what benefits relationships with those closest to us – Christ first and family second – presents the best choice for establishing and maintaining balance in our lives.
Work Third
With God as our top priority and with confident, stable, core relationships, our work life then becomes another extension of who we are in Christ. With that, our work becomes a way to…
- Show how to respect authority (Ephesians 6:5-9)
- Be an example of how to handle authority (Ephesians 6:5-9)
- Honor God with the skills He gave us (Exodus 36:1)
- Receive benefits we would not otherwise (Proverbs 12:14)
- Have our basic needs met (Proverbs 28:19)
Following the core value of “God. Family. Work. (In that order)” to establish balance won’t free our lives from trouble or stress, and it won’t always keep chaos and drama at bay. It will, however, provide a stability – a peace even – within our inner circle of existence that allows us to better function in all other areas of life.
DISCUSSION: How might this core value simplify your approach to achieving balance?
Struggling for Balance
June 5, 2014
Every area of life requires and continually struggles for balance. We’ll look at that struggle at play in a variety of rolls throughout this month, but first let’s develop an understanding of what balance is and what it requires.
7 Principles of Balance
In thinking about balance, several principles stand out as universal in our struggle. As we work to obtain and maintain balance, we must always keep in mind that balance…
Requires movement. To stay balanced, we must constantly move and adjust. Sometimes, the adjustments are small and invisible to others, but they always exist.- Exists as a constant goal. Our physical bodies constantly work toward balance, toward homeostasis. The desire for balance exists as naturally as the function of our physical bodies. We can never escape this continual striving for balance.
- Needs focus. When doing a tree pose in yoga, focusing on a fixed point in front of you helps maintain balance. When your gaze wanders, balance becomes an increasing struggle.
- Can improve. The more you do the tree pose (along with a variety of other yoga poses), balance becomes easier. The more you consistently work at it, the better your ability to stay balanced.
- Keeps drama & chaos at bay. In some variety shows, acrobats show off their balancing skills by complicating the situation with people balanced upon people balancing a variety of objects. In real life, drama within balance only leads to chaos and overload.
- Looks different for every person. Everyone has unique limits. Every holds unique gifts and abilities. Because of these facts, our ability to balance looks different too. The basic principles stay the same, but we all obtain balance uniquely.
- Requires honesty & humility. We have to admit that we need to rest and readjust regularly. We have to admit our need for help in living a balanced life. Not admitting these means choosing the hard – and likely impossible – path to balance.
We’ll address the above principles later this month as we look at the role relationships, accountability, simplicity, commitments and faith all play in our constant struggle for balance. Before we can consider the activity of balance within the various aspects of our lives, though, we have to first realize the importance that having an accurate scale plays in achieving, maintaining and assessing balance.
An Accurate Scale
The Bible talks about the importance of having a fair and just scale, one that accurately weighs and balances whatever it measures. That’s what we need for our lives too.
Comparisons are not accurate; neither are we able to accurately measure our own balance (2 Corinthians 10:12). God needs to be the scale. Only He knows what balances means for each individual, and He tells us through Scripture and through His Holy Spirit. The only way to obtain and maintain a balanced life is to have it continually weighed, measured and adjusted by the only accurate and just scale available to us.
DISCUSSION: Where do you feel you’re out of balance? What adjustments do you need to make?
Overcoming Overload with Balance
June 3, 2014
Last month’s focus on technology was interesting because I didn’t realize the impact of technology in the details of my life. I didn’t realize how out of balance I truly was regarding my use of technology and my need for almost constant access and information.
I certainly don’t think technology is evil. I love the relationships, the access to information and the freedom to share thoughts and ideas. Yet, I also realize the need to master or be mastered by technology and its incessant call. I understand that I must refuse to follow the crowd and instead choose my own focus. In doing so, I can overcome information overload by focusing on creating balance.
Laying Down the Gauntlet
Just like overload looks different on every person, so does a balanced solution for overload. In Managing Overload with Boundaries, we discussed basic principles as a guide in creating a plan for awareness, prevention and management of overload.
In today’s post, I am issuing a challenge, playing off our focus last month on technology and playing into this month’s focus on balance.
The challenge is this: Decide one way you can begin to become the master over technology in your life rather than a slave to it. Think of some change you can make that clearly says, “I refuse to follow the crowd and will decide for myself how to use technology & how to manage the information it constantly presents.”
To help, let’s look at examples of others working to create balance in their lives:
- The post Island Time by Chris Peak at Trail Reflections suggests that operating occasionally on island time can transform your life, especially if you’re living with a maxed-out schedule.
- Chris Peek also wrote the book Blaze Your Own Trail, a terrific resource to help you make crucial decisions in your life regarding your calling, spontaneity, personality, and much more… all areas significantly impacted by technology and information overload.
- Dan Erickson, a friend and frequent commentor on this blog, decided to cancel his internet service for the summer. You can read about that decision in the comments for the post Solving the Problem of Information Overload and Managing Overload with Boundaries.
- CEO Brian Moran decided to “cut the cord” one Friday by putting his smartphone, tablet device and laptop in his desk drawer for the day. You can read the lessons he learned from this experiment in 5 Things I Learned by Turning Off My Smartphone for 24 Hours.
- The McMillan Family made an even more drastic move. Read about it in This Family Banned All Technology Made after 1986.
These examples and suggestions hopefully serve to get your creative juices flowing as well as to inspire and motivate.
Choose to Think
With the gauntlet laid down, consider this quote from Rick Dawson of Planned Peasanthood, someone who always hits home with truth…
“God gave us the ability to think – we have to choose to do so, on a minute by minute basis sometimes, if we don’t want to be overwhelmed by the ‘drinking from the firehose’ condition of living in an always on, 24/7/365 world. In its own way? It can set us up for the same sort of response that primitive man had – always afraid, always on guard.”
Choose to get grounded with God, and let Him prioritize your day. Trust God to get you the information and connections you need instead of obsessing over the constant inflow from technology. Find YOUR balance by choosing to think based on the guiding and directing of the Holy Spirit.
While I see the convenience of technology, I simply cannot shake the fact that it never satisfies my deep need for connection. And for that reason, I choose today to pick up the gauntlet.
DISCUSSION: Will you pick up the gauntlet too? If so, how?
Amplifying Silence
August 20, 2013
Since writing The Discipline of Silence, Part I and Part II, the topic continually comes up in conversation. But instead of hearing a desire for more silence, I hear how people “can’t” stand silence and how literal silence really isn’t possible anyway. These comments seem to be saying, “Why bother?”
Few people can ever truly experience total “absence of sound,” the definition of silence. So, after several of these “silence” conversations, I realized that taking time to clarify silence a bit more might help address the “Why bother?” implication.
Clarifying Silence
My favorite times of silence are bike rides, running, hiking, kayaking, and mornings on my deck. These times are not absent of sound, but they are peaceful and quiet.
Essentially, when someone develops a discipline of silence, he/she really learns to appreciate peace and quiet along with the benefits of regularly pending time there. Spending time in peace and quiet involves reducing or eliminating unnatural sounds so that natural sounds (breathing, birds, footsteps, wind, etc.) are mostly what’s heard.
In other words, a discipline of silence means intentionally choosing not to bring noise into the equation. It means choosing to not talk, play music or watch television. It means not introducing unnecessary sounds (keeping certain things silent) and instead existing in a quiet and peaceful arena.
Realizing that the goal in a discipline of silence is really peace and quiet, not literal silence, helps understand how to achieve a true discipline of silence.
A discipline of silence allows you to think and to process life. Developing a discipline of silence means making a regular practice of simply existing with the natural sounds of life. It involves thoughts being allowed to move freely without little outside influence.
Amplifying Silence
When Rick at Planned Peasanthood and I decided to simultaneously post on the discipline of silence, my objective was to show the value of the discipline. I now realize (mostly after reading Rick’s posts) that my own discipline of silence has developed into more of an active quiet rather than a true discipline of silence.
Let me explain. My life exists at a slower pace and quieter volume than that of most people. Outside of “TV time,” which is minimal, my house is generally quiet. Sure, there’s the sounds of life such as my oldest playing piano or French horn or my youngest moving from one activity to another, but we don’t have the radio or television on “for noise.”
I spend much of my time in my office or kitchen or on my deck writing, researching or studying, and I do so in relative quiet. But, I realized that I am always doing something during quiet times, more like quiet activity than disciplined silence.
I’m often writing, reading or talking, but rarely just sitting and allowing my thoughts and my body to just be still. In that, my own discipline of silence requires growth.
Instead of continually taking in and then regurgitating information, I need to spend time processing. I need to consider how the information I encounters fits into my life and, more importantly, I need to weigh it against the Truth of God’s Word.
Amplifying silence means taking time to “Let be and be still…” as suggested by the Amplified Version of Psalm 46:10. Seeing this verse in a variety of versions helps, so check out the black and white graphic in this post (click on the graphic to enlarge it).
The depth of this verse’s meaning truly gets at the goal of a discipline of silence: Deliberately choosing to think and to process life on a regular basis in as peaceful and as quiet of an atmosphere as possible. Just existing in stillness and letting all else simply be without you for a while. Take time to weigh your own discipline of silence (or lack thereof) against the truth in this Psalm.
DISCUSSION: How does Psalm 46:10 help in encourage you to amplify the discipline of silence in your life?
How to… Keep Technology from Consuming You
February 11, 2013
What can we learn about instant messaging from Abraham Lincoln?
Even though Abraham Lincoln had no precedent for how to use it, he brilliantly integrated the new electronic communication of the day to help save our country. He did this by using the telegraph system to stay in touch with his generals in the field during the Civil War, and was the first president to use this quick, long-range communication method in this way.
Lincoln seemed almost obsessed with this tool at times, much like we are today with instant messaging, emailing and texting. That’s not to say that he used the telegraph as his only mode of communication, but he certainly grasped the importance of using it to help him in his job as Commander in Chief.
“Lincoln had done more than simply counsel on strategy; he used the telegraph to take command… The president telegraphed direct orders to generals in the field, moving men around as though on a chessboard… The wire became a way for the president to stay informed and assert himself… [The telegraph was] the tool Lincoln used for reinforcing his resolve and making sure that neither distance nor intermediaries diffused his leadership.” (Tom Wheeler, author of Mr. Lincoln’s T-Mails)
What does Abraham Lincoln’s use of the telegraph have to do with our prolific use of technology today?
Not only does Lincoln’s use of the telegraph reveal another element of his timeless leadership genius, but it also reveals to us how the technology of the day – whatever that might be – can draw a person in and seemingly shut out the rest of the world.
In other words, technology can make us closer and further away at the same time.
“Lincoln hardly left his seat in [the telegraph] office and waited with deep anxiety for each succeeding dispatch… The president consumed the electronically delivered updates… No longer was Lincoln content to sit idly by and await information, he was actively in communication with the front.” (Tom Wheeler, author of Mr. Lincoln’s T-Mails)
While we can understand why Lincoln obsessed over these messages during this pivotal time in our nation’s history, we can also understand how doing so likely affected the other areas of his life. The correlation between T-Mail and E-Mail might not be perfect, but it does help to understand that technology always has had and always will have the potential for consuming us.
So how do we keep technology from consuming us?
If we had the time, we could discuss how Lincoln took frequent carriage rides with his wife, how he loved interacting with his son even while working, and how he often corresponded in detail by hand-written letter. Doing so would help us see that while technology at times consumed him, he also knew the importance of face-to-face and more detailed interaction.
With the idea that technology in any form can easily steal our attention from the people we love, let’s look at ways to keep it from consuming us.
- Leave it. Don’t take your cell phone or tablet with you to church or out to dinner with friends. Make leaving it a regular habit to help reduce its pacifier hold.
- Turn it off. When reading or playing family games, during dinner, and when friends are visiting turn off technology and focus face-to-face. At the very least, turn off the sound.
- Avoid it at dinnertime. Make this a daily habit. Don’t let technology consume this important touch point.
- Have tech-free family time. Play cards or a board game. Have a family reading time. Exercise together. Make technology off limit for everyone during these times.
- Have tech-filled family time. Technology is not evil. In fact, it has tremendous value, especially when used to build relationships. Have a family Wii night or play electronic Scrabble together. Spend time together in technology.
- Let technology help you. I’m a huge proponent of keeping a personal calendar and making lists. My tablet is an indispensible tool in these habits that are crucial to my sanity and thus to the function of my family. Not only that, but staying connected as a family, especially with a husband who travels a lot for work, is made a lot easier through technology.
When Lincoln went home, he did not have the telegraph with him since telegraph wires were not yet run to the White House. We don’t have that built-in off switch. We have to choose to use technology rather than let it consume us.
DISCUSSION: How do you keep technology from consuming you?
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