In 2009, I discovered my allergy to dairy and my intolerance to gluten. Sensitivities to several other foods also came to light. As I changed my diet to eliminate these foods, I began to feel dramatically better. In fact, I felt better physically and mentally than I had my whole life.
Then I reached a plateau about two years later. I felt a tremendous sense of isolation as well as frustration as I watched others enjoy any food they desired. I saw only limits. I saw a cage that separated me from others. My frustration increased as I realized that my body is also tremendously sensitive to a lot of stimulation.
In fact, inflammation rises at the slightest chemical imbalance. Too much of any food causes distress, but any of certain foods causes setback. In addition, a lot of noise bothers me, and too much information in too small space of time easily impedes my ability to think. I also struggle being in groups of people for very long, sometimes even at all.
At times, I’m simply at odds with understanding why I am so physically and mentally sensitive. Some days, I just feel very alone. This journey brings to light my many physical and mental limitations and weaknesses and gives greater understanding of how God’s strength flow in a practical way through my weaknesses.
In this struggle, I learned a valuable lesson: Freedom comes through brokenness revealed by weaknesses.
Realizing utter helplessness to be healthy on my own truly set me free. The process began with salvation and seeing my inability to escape the grip of sin. It grew when I finally understood that every weakness I have presents an opportunity for increased freedom from the flesh.
My weaknesses humble me. They force me to understand my inability to control. They lead me to increased reliance upon the only one who truly has control. They present a choice between letting those weaknesses define and control me or allowing them to direct me toward His strength.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
My weaknesses constantly remind me of my need for Christ. They remind me every day of my lack of self-control and of my tendency toward acting based on feelings and emotion. Without Christ and the power of His Holy Spirit producing the fruit of self-control within me, I fall prey to the consequences of my weaknesses.
Brokenness opens the floodgates for his power to work perfection in spite of me. It allows for a Spirit-led life that does not seek to gratify the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16-18), desires that most clearly show through in my weaknesses. This by nothing in and of myself but instead only through His strength filling in the spaces left by brokenness.