So far in my Christian life, I have been influenced tremendously by both the law (i.e., what I should and should not do, obeying the rules) and my own nature (i.e., the desires of the flesh). As Kathy Howard says in The Proper Climate – “Fruit of the Spirit” Lesson 1:
“Freedom cannot be found in observing the Law. And indulging our sinful nature will never produce the righteous life God desires.”
Instead, true freedom is found as we live according to life in the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16). Having accountability has played a large role in tuning my spirit to help me be more in tuned to the Holy Spirit.
Formal & Informal Accountability
Informally, this type of accountability happens when a body of believers comes together regularly in worship and small group study. It can also happen when a group of runners gather every Saturday morning for their “long runs.” In a more formal sense, the idea of an accountability partner provides a unique way to be encouraged on a more intimate level.
Whether formal or informal and whatever the focus and purpose, the benefits of accountability increase when individuals:
- Meet regularly. Face-to-face connections provide the glue for relationships. Hebrews 10:25 warns against stopping this habit and connects it with the idea of accountability.
- Connect often. In our busy culture, meeting face-to-face regularly can be a struggle. Fortunately, that same culture gives a multitude of ways to connect in between face-to-face meetings. Blogs, email, Facebook, and Twitter provide unique ways to connect with others. The truth that No Man Is An Island holds true more today than ever.
- Are teachable. When I taught college English classes years ago, most students wanted to learn at least to some extent. A few students wanted to get a passing grade without learning, though. This isn’t possible in college, and it’s not possible in life, either. In order to move toward excellence, one must be willing to learn from others. (Proverbs 23:12)
- Are transparent. This does not necessarily mean airing one’s dirty laundry, but it does mean an honesty that cultivates true accountability. I have been in what I thought was an accountability relationship where the other person was not teachable or completely transparent, and I discovered that not only was I wasting my time but “casting pearls to swine” too (Matthew 7:6).
- Are prepared. Just like taking a test without having studied is unwise, so too is expecting accountability to take place when you’ve made no effort to make progress. There are many ways to prepare for accountability, and the specifics really depend on the unique reasons behind the partnership.
Without question, God encourages the idea of accountability. Whether formally or informally, having people we can encourage and be encouraged by goes a long way in helping us grow both as individuals and in our relationships with others and with God.
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. “(Hebrews 10:23-25)
Kathy Howard
Kari, great advice and encouragement to pursue an accountability partner! Thank you for posting this!
Kari Scare
Thanks for checking it out. I hope it\’s helpful in a way that brings glory to God through relationships.
tnealtarver
Two friends and I have met for a decade together. At one point, we all were pastors in the same town. I now write and one friend now lives 45 minutes away, but we still meet on a regular basis. Our focus has never been on our churches or work as pastors but on life at home as husbands and fathers. I count Greg and Chuck treasures from God.
Good word, Kari. Very practical, sound advice.
Kari Scare
Great example of an accountability relationship. This example hits on another important point… Accountability of this source is about individual growth and refining and not focusing outside of that on others or work or whatever.
Loren Pinilis
I can attest to the growth I've experienced when I started getting together regularly with an accountability partner. And our friendship has really deepened because of that. I think, biblically, that's the true model of accountability – just having friends and having relationships. I think one of the dangerous things for us to do is to separate accountability out and make it it's own little social world. The best accountability relationships naturally develop as just part of living in fellowship.
Kari Scare
You are so right about this! I have accountability partners in every area of life, but this one in particular is where we are purposefully getting at spiritual issues. She was someone who has sat in front of me at church for several years, but we only recently started this more specific journey. God wants us to have multiple relationships to have our multiple needs met (as He uses those relationships) and for us to meet multiple needs. No one person can be everything to us, not even our spouses, except God of course.
Deb Wolf
I belong to a couple of small groups where we are accountable to each other. I have to admit that I have become very cautious about how much I share anymore after being betrayed and rejected by someone I had deeply trusted. The result is that I take more to the Lord for true accountability . . . He never just tells me what I want to hear. Blessings to you, Kari.
Kari Scare
I really get your hesitation to share, Deb. There are several examples I could give of broken trust in people, and it seems to hurt worse because they are Christians, but I don't feel released to do so on my blog since they involve some of my family, and I don't want to bring up old stuff. Know what I mean? Anyway, it does take so much faith to trust someone, and trust certainly is earned. I love how you said that it caused you to take more to God, which is what we all should be motivated to do anyway. My takeaway from the hurts is that I am determined to be the kind of friend and Christian that I would trust. I will make mistakes, but that is always my goal, with the help of God. Such a deep topic that I feel we could get some good discussion on…
Deb Wolf
Thanks for your encouragement Kari. I love your comment about being the kind of friend and Christian that you can trust. I agree completely. None of us are perfect, but just that thought alone helps us to keep confidences more carefully and not give in to the temptation to gossip. Lessons learned the hard way are often learned the best. 😉
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